I was diagnosed with ADHD and started on medication at 12, but not really told anything about what it meant for me or how to deal with it, and when I was 18 -literally when my parents dropped me off at college- was told I was autistic
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Ooh I never actually think about this part very much. It feels the same with each OCD thing for me. It feels like a panic response, chest feels tight and my heart rate goes up a little, and all thoughts will be focused on rectifying the issue until I act on it. In a way it can even feel like I'm not in full control of my body. So it has a very physical reaction for me and it absolutely sucks. It's worse for different things and situations, but it's always the worse for situations in what I consider "my area," i.e. my living space or even work area at my job.
Some other examples for me:
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-I obviously have everything in my apartment arraigned in specific ways. Isn't necessarily organized though, just in a way that feels right
-I used to only be able to eat popcorn five pieces at a time. Increments of five are my thing
-If a number or letter I've written doesn't look a certain way, I will have to erase or write over it. I'll have to find an example and post it one day
-I fucking have to fold toilet paper in very specific ways, i.e. certain amount of and alignments with the squares
-I have to have things set in a right-oriented or facing way, like my hair had to be pushed to the right (when I had hair). This one is hard to really explain because it mostly depends on how my brain perceives the "right" orientation of an object
Yo that sounds exactly like how I feel when I'm struggling to disengage wtf
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specifically it's the urge I felt to continue to be terminally online even when I was being harassed and accused of terrible things. I couldn't think of anything else or do anything else
I also feel like this for the most minor things, like inexplicable downvotes would do this to me too
I can deal with the compulsions, but the fact that I physically have to deal with them RIGHT NOW is the worst part
Also that sounds like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which usually comes packaged with ADHD, and I have that shit too
Edit: and to be fair that was a shitfest you went through
I'm gonna look into this, thanks!
honestly the removal of downvotes to quash bigots had a huge calming effect on my ego lol, like yo why am I taking it personally that there's billions of people and one might disagree with me (or worse, not like me)
If you experience rejection sensitive dysphoria to a problematic degree, and if say you have fears of abandonment, or fixate on love or relationships, or have high extremes of feeling from occasional euphoria to frequent and deep lows or uncontrollable bursts of empathy, borderline sometimes goes along with ADHD