I was diagnosed with ADHD and started on medication at 12, but not really told anything about what it meant for me or how to deal with it, and when I was 18 -literally when my parents dropped me off at college- was told I was autistic
Edit: don't forget to upvote posts here so they're more visible and people can find the community!
I am probably slightly older than many of the people on here (early 40s). When I was younger, not only did girls not have ADHD, but my parents specifically didn't believe in mental illness in general. I grew up in a "the beatings will continue until morale improves" type of situation. And remember, this was before the internet was really a thing -- Dial-up, AOL.com, etc.
After a gigantic nervous breakdown that resulted in some pretty bad decisions in my 20s, I got pregnant with my first. Wow! I have pregnancy medicaid! Wow! The ob/gyn thinks I may have some issues with depression! WowwieZowwie I see a psychiatrist! Congrats! Not only is it a baby boy, but it's a diagnosed case of Major Depressive Disorder and ADD Inattentive type.
Of course, the USA being what it is, the only time I could actually see a doctor was when I was pregnant because otherwise I couldn't get medicaid. So, after my first brief stint on medication, I at least learned what "normal" was supposed to act like and got really good at pretending. I also was (unknowingly) self medicating via a rather large addiction to caffeine and ephedrine, which used to be legal until some idiots overdosed and had heart attacks on it.
Today, as a nominal adult, I'm on actual medication for both issues. Unfortunately, because I am an adult, I am still trying to convince my psych that my adderal needs increased. I'm pretty sure my 15mg is just about enough to make me able to realize I am still in over my head most of the time. I've learned so well how to pretend to be neurotypical that I have trouble convincing my doctor that I am medicated just enough to keep my head sorta straight and to realize when I am fucking up without having the ability to fix it without burning way more spoons than I have.
And, that turned into a novel. Oops?
And, that turned into a novel. Oops?
this is the mark of the best posts. Thanks for sharing comrade!
I’ve learned so well how to pretend to be neurotypical that I have trouble convincing my doctor that I am medicated just enough to keep my head sorta straight and to realize when I am fucking up without having the ability to fix it without burning way more spoons than I have.
God damn if this isn't one of my worst fears, I've gotten quite good at masking unless I'm distressed. Though, whenever I go through this particular thought loop, I always decide that in that case being misidentified would probably distress me enough for it to become apparent lol
I was in elementary school and my teachers were all like "Flakes is such a great student, he's so far ahead of everyone else which is amazing because he doesn't talk to anyone except for when he infodumps about video games or cartoons"
Got into a fight in the eighth grade where I almost dislocated the school bully's jaw and got sent to the school psychologist
Spent like five minutes with her, and lo and behold, I was autistic.
I'm 19 and in college. I've had severe lifelong sleep issues that I just never thought much about. Did some research and turns out I have Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder. After talking to some people with it I found out it is usually comorbid with ADHD. I didn't think much of it at first but after about 2 months I started considering the possibility that I had ADHD.
Basically for my entire life I've thought "Hmm most of my extended family maternally and paternally has ADHD, and all their stories about what it's like for them sure is relatable, however I am just a lazy piece of shit and don't want to discredit their legitimate struggles" and then after thinking maybe I did have ADHD I did a lot of research and turns out oh wait I do have it
Oh my god you have just changed my entire fucking life. I thought I was just a lazy asshat. That is me. Like. Completely. Just....holy fuckballs.....
If they are allowed to follow their own schedules, e.g. sleeping from 4:00 am to 1:00 pm, their sleep is improved and they may not experience excessive daytime sleepiness.
If left to my own devices, I sleep from like 3am-noon give or take...
A chief difficulty of treating DSPD is in maintaining an earlier schedule after it has been established, as the patient's body has a strong tendency to reset the sleeping schedule to its intrinsic late times.
I work opens (6am). It takes me weeks to get myself going to bed on time and getting up on time....and one fucking day to destroy it.
I am serious. I am sitting here just mouth agape. I did not know this was a thing. I didn't know I was, if not normal, at least explainable.
Right? That's exactly what I was feeling. It sucks too because I am a heavy, heavy sleeper. Right now, I sleep through my alarms which include: My phone alarm, two alarm clocks, a thing that vibrates my pillow, and a garage light on a timer positioned about 3 feet from my head
Yep. Just read the whole wikipedia thing and am feeling really called out right now (Insert Facebook "I'm in this image and I don't like it" meme)...I have 2 alarms plus my fitbit that vibrates, captchas to turn the alarms off, and a horrendous addiction to coffee.
I'm so glad I have ADHD medecine now because caffeine does nothing for me
It keeps me alive at 6am until I actually 'wake up' around noon at work. Otherwise, it doesn't do much for me, either. I seriously wish I could convince my psych that just cuz I can function doesn't mean that I wouldn't appreciate not having to put quite so much concentrated effort into it. I know I'll always have to work harder with executive functioning and crap but I really would like a wee bit more help.
Hey y'all are also me and have unlocked yet another piece of my undiagnosed ADHD, holy shiiiiiiiit
Fall asleep after midnight? Trouble with mornings? Comorbid with ADHD?
Fuck. Looks like I need to investigate this... glad every therapist I've ever had is just like "practice good sleep hygiene lol".
EDIT: Reading that article further, I would like to put a restraining order on the author of that page because clearly they have been stalking me my entire life.
When I had a massive panic attack while writing an exam in school and had to be removed from the exam venue. Anxiety be like that sometimes. Also body dysmorphia and depression caused by a degenerative spinal deformity/disease
Knew something was up for a long time, didn't really deal with it until early 20s when I realized it was definitely depression and started smoking weed to medicate. Fast forward 10 years to now and from listening to a bunch of people talk about it I'm fairly certain I have ADHD, hearing people talk about executive dysfunction and rejection sensitivity I was like oooooooooh damn, is that what all that is?
So pretty sure it's some cocktail of depression/ADHD, tried weak SSRIs once and hated them so I've stuck to self-medicating with weed and vape nightly and have for 6+ years now. Hopefully moving to a legal state soon so it won't be so fucking expensive.
Anyway, love my neurodiverse comrades :heart-sickle:
As for self medication, if you're up for it, I suggest - carefully, start slow - trying psychedelics, too. Tryptamine ones specifically (psilocybin or dimethyltryptamine for example).
See my quick outline here for mushrooms. If it's DMT you're more interested in, can't go wrong with this starting point (though if you've got no previous experience or limited previous experience with psychedelics, do not start with DMT).
Definitely up for it, just don't know where to start and I'm not growing shit in uncle ben's bags and haven't been motivated to try harder to find them.
If you're looking for something simpler then I guess you could order some mimosa hostilis root bark and extract DMT from it (it's stupidly easy and pretty quick). Though I wouldn't recommend DMT if you've never done psychs - my first DMT trips were the most intense, life-transforming experiences of my life despite the fact I was familiar with psychedelics already.
Uncle Ben's is on paper an easy approach but it's incredibly prone to contaminations and pretty hit-or-miss in general. For a similar reason, staying away from growkits is also a good idea. I've written this as a guide towards a much more optimal approach; though it requires a bit more initial materials (nothing expensive though, except perhaps a pressure cooker if you don't already have one). That approach will yield so much shrooms you'll be giving them away - and it's pretty fun caring for what is a fascinating life form on top of it.
I appreciate the resources, still probably far too much work for me when weed is practically 0 effort and does a good enough job. I wish I knew you in real life so you could guide me and I could just buy them from you lol. But again, appreciate the effort, maybe someday I'll make an attempt.
Got it - was suggesting it as psychs have been much more helpful for me when it comes to ongoing depression compared to weed (but weed helps too though). Also, weed is in fact a very slight psychedelic; and a very interesting aspect of it is that if you did use psychedelics recently (like a few days ago - the effect usually persist for a week, sometimes a bit more) then when you smoke weed, its own psychedelic properties are vastly increased; I've had open eyes visuals on weed alone just because I took DMT a few days before. Can be surprising if you're not expecting it.
In any case, you can also use weed in a more psychedelic/spiritual way. If you're a regular user, you'll probably relate: you know how when you stop smoking cannabis for say, ten days or two weeks, when you start smoking again initially it makes you very high, in a much more intense way that can't be easily explained by decreased tolerance alone ? well, an interesting thing to do is stop using it for ~10 days. Then you take a huge dose through edibles, and you meditate when it starts coming up. The effect is on par with low-doses psych trips - very deep and introspective.
Sorry if I rambled a bit, as an aside.
Yeah, I totally get it and do believe psychedelics would probably be a better solution that might get to the root of things rather than just treating symptoms. That sounds like an awesome technique and I can definitely see how it would work. At this point my tolerance is high enough that recently I decided to not smoke until 9-10pm on weekdays and that has drastically increased my highs. I've also had some visuals and psychedelic experiences with weed alone in the past, but at the time I was in CA and their medical weed was on another level of potency. I think taking a T-Break into some heavy edibles is absolutely something I need to try.
Thanks comrade!
Sorry if I answer again, but I realize I forgot to mention it: before there were SSRIs, there were MAOIs (monoamine oxidase inhibitors) as treatment for depression. There were abandoned relatively quickly as full-scale MAOIs require a pretty strict diet or they can be deadly. Research on them has restarted again more recently as there exists selective MAOIs that only inhibit MAO-A and are fully reversible in a matter of hours - compared to weeks for traditional pharmaceutical MAOIs.
One of those selective, reversible MAOIs is harmine (and harmal alkaloids in general, like harmaline) - a substance produced by a number of plants. It does not require any special diet and is used traditionally by tribes in the Amazon to prepare Ayahuasca - the MAOI effect makes DMT orally active, for several hours. It is also commonly used today in western countries by people doing shrooms or DMT, as it increases the effect of both and makes the later orally active. It has demonstrated antidepressant effects without the risks of the aforementioned pharmaceutical MAOIs, and is now the subject of active further research for those uses.
Now, there is a plant, Peganum Harmala, more commonly called Syrian Rue, which produces seeds that contains tons of harmal alkaloids. It's not the plant Amazon tribes use (that would be Banisteriopsis Caapi), but its seeds have a very similar alkaloids profile. It is extensively used in Iran and other middle-east countries, both in cooking and for medicinal effects.
Do you live in the US ? if so, finding syrian rue seeds is incredibly easy and very cheap - look for "Esphand", another name for it. You can also order them online, they're perfectly legal in the US. If you get those seeds, the basic mode of administration is: crush them into a powder, make a tea with them, filter, and drink. 3g of seeds is a good dose.
Be aware that the harmal alkaloids in question are psychedelic by themselves; but usually at amounts closer to 4g/5g tea, and with side effects (specifically motor dysfunction and nausea - those side effects tend to disappear if you use it enough, though, but for a 3g tea they should be minimal anyway). If you're looking for medicine, this is also definitely worth a try. Drink in the morning, effects last for at least 4 hours. If you notice too much side effects at 3g, go for a 2g tea.
Wow, thanks for all of this info, really appreciate it! I'll keep all of this in mind, thanks again.
I think I first realized I had ADHD in high school. I asked my general practitioner and he dismissed me immediately because i did relatively well on the SATs. A part of me knew he was wrong and that that is not how to diagnose ADHD, but getting dismissed out of hand like that really sucked and i didnt want to go to a doctor again. It wasnt until a year after college, when I was probably another bad week away from losing my job, that I went to a specialist and finally got a diagnosis. Up until the moment my psychiatrist gave the diagnosis a part of me was convinced they would tell me I was just lazy. Every time I had failed up until that point I blamed myself, and the diagnosis felt like I had finally been given permission to forgive myself.
Finally got diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, and anxiety with like one year left of college because I was about to fail, could never do any assignments in a timely manner, and would just shut down when my parents asked why I was failing (which is a whole other story). I think I was 22ish by that point and yeah I feel like I still haven't been told anything about my disorders. Plus I'm pretty sure there is stuff that has been left undiagnosed, but my doctors unfortunately won't explore other stuff easily without me having to push hard for it and I haven't had the energy and have somewhat of a balance now.
Also fun fact: I was diagnosed with ADD when I was still in middle school, but didn't react well with my meds and my parents didn't like my doctors, so I just stopped taking them and my parents never pursued it further until I had pretty much 20 years of shit behind me, ruined my future, and had to pursue my mental health by myself
:agony-yehaw:
Edit: oh yeah and PTSD from when I was assaulted in my sleep and depression from all sorts of sources, but thankfully I don't deal with that one anymore
I've never been diagnosed. Can't afford a doctor as an adult and my parents were the "mental illness isn't a real thing" types. So I've just kind of been living with knowing that I clearly have some undiagnosed mental health stuff but not really able to do anything about it. Which was really fun when I was trying to apply for disability. Don't have a mental health record so you can't prove you need help, can't get a record because your disability makes it hard to hold a job so you can't afford to see a doctor.
College. And I think I actually developed co-morbid mental illnesses (depression and anxiety) that led me to finding out the root cause (ADHD-PI).
More info: I'm pretty positive (through internet rabbit holes) that I was what some in the psychology community call "twice exceptional". I fuckin' crushed school all the way into (and most including) college. Because of that, my numerous (in hindsight) obvious symptoms were ignored/let go because I was "successful". The closest is 1 teacher of a different class in my grade (not even my own teacher) told my mother I should be tested for autism because of how upset I would get at deviations from plans (again more likely my ADHD). That all came crashing down when I just... fell apart one semester of college. I gained weight and was at my heaviest ever (and I'd never been skinny) and I failed my only class in all of school (still the only one). If I hadn't been encouraged by my partner to get help (and then do some self-diagnosis to fight my way to the ADHD test)... let's not go there.
Still really struggle with things that I never developed healthy coping mechanisms for because instead I just... lived with them most of my life (and all of my formative years).
The closest is 1 teacher of a different class in my grade (not even my own teacher) told my mother I should be tested for autism because of how upset I would get at deviations from plans (again more likely my ADHD).
It kiiiiiiills me when things are different than planned. It makes me super sad or angry when it happens, but it's not an appropriate response so I have to channel it inward.
Does that make me perfect at keeping my own commitments? Oh, heaven's no.
Its made me completely adverse to making plans. Like, I looooooathe making plans any further out than a few hours from now, because otherwise my life is rendered inflexible and anything that could upset my plans are means for monumental emotional turmoil.
I found out I had aspergers about two weeks before quarantine started. Honestly explained a lot.
Asperger Siblings 😎
I heard a while back that it had been lumped in with Autism Spectrum so I've just been saying that, but that's what I was diagnosed. Anyone know what the deal is with this classification? I never really understood it cause none of my doctors or my parents really ever tried to educate me about my condition for some reason...
So according to the doctor who diagnosed me aspergers has been reclassified as high functioning autism.
Huh, TIL I guess
They used 'high functioning'? PSA for anyone who doesn't know, try to use High/low Need not high/low function
Yeah that was the exact language the doctor used. Hadn't heard 'need' before but that definitely sounds better, thanks for the info.
yeah no prob, I only learned about it myself like 6 months ago. It's absurd how little they care to know and to teach us
it doesn't absolve the field, but it's not exactly psychiatry's fault that it doesn't know how to teach us anything about our brains
Huh, I thought they had moved away from that too and were classifying everything under Autism Spectrum Disorder now
Diagnosed (ADD at the time, ADHD-PI now) at around 8 years old, probably based on the recommendation of a teacher who noticed how easily I zoned out or got distracted by things. I did pretty decent in school though, and had never even had to think about touching meds, so it wasn't until 11 years later when I was faced with the reality that I was going to have to retake general chemistry 2 over the summer (first time I had ever failed a class failed in my life) after my freshman year at university that I started to realize what that diagnosis really entailed though (and to also finally realize I needed get on meds).
How have the pills effected you? I'm on the fence about getting some.
My personal experience since starting on methylphenidate in October and moving on to lisdexamfetamine. Let me preface by saying medication is not a cure all, there's a lot of things to work on still -
I put things away that I notice are out of place now. When it's time to walk the dog, I don't have an excuse ready or put up a fight. I'm on my phone less when something else is at hand, like watching a movie. I keep and maintain closer contact with friends and reached out to old ones to positive effect. I'm not overwhelmed by lights and people being out in public (that would sometimes happen so badly my brain would shut down, I basically stopped seeing and the world became completely unfocused, on a complete autopilot [I think this might be a form of what is called dissociation]. I stay on the phone with my family for more than five minutes and give more than perfunctory answers.
I don't get any euphoria from it, and it doesn't keep me up for days like I expected (if anything, I sleep better or at least with better consistency). Appetite is like it's not there, slight sexual wonkiness (not fully bad, but something) with an increase in libido, definitely more headaches, and the need to keep a lot more hydrated which is annoying and then accompanying bathroom trips.
TL:DR: I wish I had known way sooner and been medicated
Hm. I think my ADHD is quite low on the spectrum, and maybe meds would be overkill. And fuck, I could not deal with more libido right now. Lockdown has me down bad.
What the other comrade said is good advice and bupropion in particular I can vouch for (further up in this thread). There are also alternative things that can be supplemented to possibly help with aspects: caffeine+l-theanine which is definitely better than caffeine alone, the taurine found in energy drinks is possibly effective in ADHD (but avoid the sugary ones), modafinil (under prescription from a doctor) which has some alternative benefits if amphetamines aren't well tolerated.
Also if the ADHD is low (but still causing issues) in low doses meds feel like virtually nothing to me, if I wasn't looking for a difference I wouldn't notice one. The Vyvanse that I'm on starts at 10 MG and goes all the way up to 70, I'm just starting to get some improvements at around 50 mg a day but my ADHD is pretty severe evidently. If it is ADHD (not that there's any reason to discount that but there is always the possibility symptoms are an overlap of other comorbidities), a low dose like 10 mg could provide enough benefit without notable side effects, and is worth exploring under administration with a doctor.
You should make a post asking about that if you're comfortable doing so! :D
I'm sure you're not alone in your shoes here
For starters, I'm on dexmethylphenidate (Focalin) and I haven't tried any other meds, so I'm not familiar with the effects of other meds.
In terms of positives, I've been on them for around 3 years at this point, and while they don't feel as effective as the first week I was on them, I'm still able to function orders of magnitude better when I've taken my meds. That said, it's not so much that I notice how much better I am when on the meds, it's more so that I notice how much worse I function when I haven't taken any meds.
In terms of negatives/side effects, one major problem I've run into is that consuming sugar and/or caffeine while the effects of the meds are still there causes me to become very anxious/restless, and it's made me keenly aware of just how much sugar/caffeine can be in the food I eat, so I've had to try and change my eating habits for when I'm on meds.
Another problem I've had is back before Covid moved everything online, I had to commute to school every day, and my meds would usually start wearing off around the same time as my commute home. The stress from the day + the stress from commuting + the effects wearing off left me in a depressed/tired state by the time I get home which was fairly exhausting, though it usually didn't last for too long. Obviously this hasn't been much of a problem since my university switched to online classes, but the effects of the meds wearing off can still put me in a somewhat tired state.
Blood circulation can be another potential problem (for my meds at least). My hands and feet seem to have naturally bad blood circulation, and sometimes it seems like the meds make that problem (temporarily) worse mainly in terms of making my hands and feet feel colder than usual, though that seems to be the extent of the problems for me. Circulation problems while on meds can cause much more serious symptoms than what I experience and can potentially be deadly, so if you have blood circulation issues and/or heart issues, then I'd definitely tell that to a doctor when discussing meds.
Edit: When consuming sugar/caffeine on meds, timing is fairly important. My meds last around 4 hours, and if I have sugar/caffeine in the last hour when the effects are wearing off, it usually isn't an issue. Having sugar or caffeine at the same time I take my meds really fuckin sucks though and can leave me in that anxious/restless state for an hour or two.
Edit 2: Also since you're on the fence about them, consider this. If you feel like you can function without them, then it doesn't really matter. However, personally I probably would've dropped out of university at this point if I didn't get medicated because it's incredibly hard for me to function unmedicated, so if you think you need meds in order to function then you should absolutely get them. It might take a while to figure out the exact dosage or type of med that works, and there's probably going to be some annoying or uncomfortable side effect no matter what you use, but the trade off is absolutely worth it.
It's hard to tell whether I function well or not. It does seem like I'll drop out of uni, but not because I'll be forced out. I'm on straight A's and find it all pretty easy. Rather I just find all of it so fucking tedious and I can't concentrate on any of the lectures at all. There's no point in me being there because I learn the information I need for an assignment in a day and then dump it once the assignment is done. Going into huge debt all the while.
Those side effects sound horrible to me lol.
Those side effects sound horrible to me lol.
Yeah, though tbh I don't know if I'm underselling them or overselling them. On the one hand the side effects can really suck when they happen. Reading back through my comment made me realize just how bad some of them are lol, and especially how bad they sound to someone who hasn't had 3 years to get used to them. But on the other hand they can be managed or avoided with relatively small changes to my behavior (ex: staying at school a bit later, having some food and studying while the meds wear off, and then finally commuting home once I can no longer focus on studying will avoid the depressed/tired state, and also helps me academically), and even when I do get the side effects I listed, they've never been so bad that I considered stopping with the meds, so for me at least the trade off is more than acceptable.
do you remember puting your face in a box and seeing a screen and having to push a button whenever a light appeared by chance?
I remember trying REALLY HARD cause I was a competitive little shit even when I wasn't competing
Also, are you intentionally removing the upvotes from your own comments or is this update just extra spicy?
Nope that's definitely my OCD lol. I did it on Reddit too, it's just noticeable here
I see, would you mind sharing more? I don't want to pry, I just love learning about the experience of others, feel free to say no <3
What do you wanna know, I certainly enjoy talking about myself more than I will ever admit lol
Hell yeah! please let me know if you change your mind <3
Why do you remove it? Is 0 a more comfortable/ round number for you than 1?
I just absolutely hate the idea of my own post being upvoted by myself. Just doesn't feel organic to me. I guess it actually kind of started on principle now that I think about it, but then my OCD saw that and said "Oh you HAVE to do it now or you will feel physically uncomfortable."
I absolutely feel you on that. How does the discomfort manifest for you, with this specific instance? Is it the same as other similar instances, or does it present differently with each?
Ooh I never actually think about this part very much. It feels the same with each OCD thing for me. It feels like a panic response, chest feels tight and my heart rate goes up a little, and all thoughts will be focused on rectifying the issue until I act on it. In a way it can even feel like I'm not in full control of my body. So it has a very physical reaction for me and it absolutely sucks. It's worse for different things and situations, but it's always the worse for situations in what I consider "my area," i.e. my living space or even work area at my job.
Some other examples for me:
spoiler
-I obviously have everything in my apartment arraigned in specific ways. Isn't necessarily organized though, just in a way that feels right
-I used to only be able to eat popcorn five pieces at a time. Increments of five are my thing
-If a number or letter I've written doesn't look a certain way, I will have to erase or write over it. I'll have to find an example and post it one day
-I fucking have to fold toilet paper in very specific ways, i.e. certain amount of and alignments with the squares
-I have to have things set in a right-oriented or facing way, like my hair had to be pushed to the right (when I had hair). This one is hard to really explain because it mostly depends on how my brain perceives the "right" orientation of an object
It feels like a panic response, chest feels tight and my heart rate goes up a little, and all thoughts will be focused on rectifying the issue until I act on it.
Yo that sounds exactly like how I feel when I'm struggling to disengage wtf
spoiler
specifically it's the urge I felt to continue to be terminally online even when I was being harassed and accused of terrible things. I couldn't think of anything else or do anything else
I also feel like this for the most minor things, like inexplicable downvotes would do this to me too
I can deal with the compulsions, but the fact that I physically have to deal with them RIGHT NOW is the worst part
Also that sounds like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which usually comes packaged with ADHD, and I have that shit too
Edit: and to be fair that was a shitfest you went through
I also feel like this for the most minor things, like inexplicable downvotes would do this to me too
honestly the removal of downvotes to quash bigots had a huge calming effect on my ego lol, like yo why am I taking it personally that there's billions of people and one might disagree with me (or worse, not like me)
If you experience rejection sensitive dysphoria to a problematic degree, and if say you have fears of abandonment, or fixate on love or relationships, or have high extremes of feeling from occasional euphoria to frequent and deep lows or uncontrollable bursts of empathy, borderline sometimes goes along with ADHD
I still struggle with making eye contact but couldn't at all until I was 21. I read a good trick is looking at people's foreheads but I learned it just as COVID hit and I haven't had much of a chance to practice.
