I have a serious moral dilemma on my hands.

Say that you’re starving and so you’re foraging around in a dumpster for food and you find a dolphin. It’s just sitting around in the hot sun, waiting to be tossed away like all the other trash and despite your commitment to animal rights, you’re hot and starving and delirious and the temptation is too great. Is it vegan to fuck the dumpster dolphin? It’s just that if you don’t make use of it, then it’s just gonna go to waste anyway, right?

I think that if you were somehow able to articulate the extenuating circumstances to the dolphin, it would probably understand.