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so i’m dating a girl, and last night she mentioned she had BPD. i didn’t think much of it, i wasn’t familiar with it. i just started doing research and went to reddit (maybe a big mistake) just to see what ‘real life’ people were saying about it. it’s /r/BPDlovedones and it’s basically victims of people who have dated someone with BPD...
it’s currently scaring the shit out of me and kind of making me have a panic attack. there was a post saying “Any advice for someone starting to date a person with BPD?” and literally everyone said “Don’t. they’ll ruin your life. the person they are now is not who they really are. they change themselves to adjust to your personality” and it all the basic patterns align with what i’m experiencing. it’s very scary. i don’t know what to do.
i know reddit is infamous for having these ‘victim’ groups who hate on a certain type of people who ruined their lives, and it feels very dehumanizing. i don’t think it is impossible to date this person and i don’t want to just stop seeing them. i don’t know what to do tbh. just very overwhelmed
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Absolutely. The psychologist who developed Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Marsha Linehan, has BPD herself.
Yeah that's a tough one. I think dating a person who has mental health issues is really a question about how much you have in the tank emotionally. I think for BPD you need a full tank of wellmess. Like if you are perfectly mentally healthy, live a low-stress life, are very mindful of your needs, very good at communicating them and very good at making sure you're getting want you need from the relationship (and can be willing to walk) then maybe you can do this.
But then it's BPD. Jeez I hate to come to the conclusion that there's a group of people who don't deserve loved ones. Yeah this is a tough one.
I only have second-hand experience with BPD, maybe someone else can offer better insight.
yeah so basically that subreddit is super toxic and dehumanizing to people with BPD. but that still doesn’t mean it will be difficult
People are more than a diagnosis and I think it’s important to keep that in mind first.
Having said that, if she has a repetitive history of doing stuff like trying to kill herself, avoiding therapy, or engaging in untrustworthy behavior (cheating, stealing, whatever) then I would view those as red flags that would warrant apprehension in any possible partner, BPD or not. I don’t say any of this to discourage you, because for all I know she could be your match and you could be the person that saves her life. But you should understand what you are getting into and asking yourself if you have the ability and motivation to make it work.