Serious question.

Since a lot of online leftist spaces have people from the LGBT community, I sometimes do some research and reading or watching on whatever people post. It's interesting but not really relatable to me. The questions I have came up after watching a video posted on here. I t was something like incel to transfemme pipeline or something-something Mari? Super interesting and all, and i thought the comments were insightful, but I still didn't relate to it all. I was born a guy, I look like one and feel like one, and no matter what I do that's the way I'm treated. Like a straight cis guy. Some people post in communities like on Hexbear and idk if they're joking but they mention how they should've known they were trans because they did something feminine or masculine or whatever the opposite their assigned gender is. What's the difference between that, and tomboys or flamboyant gay men? Anything I did that was feminine, it was out of curiosity but made me generally uncomfortable. Honestly the guys I grew up around thought a lot more about what it's like to be a woman than I ever did, and they act a whole lot more manly than I do.

My life really wouldn't really feel that different if I was born or identified as a different gender identity. It's not something I ever really cared much for, and gender just isn't something I really think about. I'm not the most manly of the men, since I think the stereotype is unrealistic. I just do what I do, and no one really questions it or treats me different as I get older. I feel like most people who are interested in this type of thing are already in the "LGBT-space". I never felt that way. I guess after reading all this stuff about how other people deal with the society we live in, I spent some time thinking about what it would be like to be in their shoes. It didn't really change anything. I'm just attracted to feminine types romantically, and I was born and feel like a man. Why fix what isn't broken for me? That's my logic.

I was wondering why some people use they/them, she/them, he/them, or even both she and he. How did you come to that conclusion and why? Or how did you know what was more comfortable for you? To me this just seems like a social construct that doesn't effect me. I just think it's cool to have non-conforming people existing around and feeling comfortable with who they are, since it lifts a lot of strict gender norms on people like me who just chill.

  • frankfurt_schoolgirl [she/her]
    ·
    1 year ago

    I just picked up my phone, so I have a lot of posting energy and will try my best to answer your questions. I am a transgender woman on hormones, and also in a homosexual relationship with another transgender woman, so like I'm doing a bunch if the lgbtq letters at once. But, actually, I'm pretty confused about some of this stuff as well.

    Basically, modern lgbt theory says that people have a different assigned sex at birth, physical sex, gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation. You understand a person's gender expression can change easily. Like if you started wearing makeup and dresses you're doing a more feminine gender expression, but you're still a man. Butch lesbians wear mail clothing and sometimes and talk in a more masculine way, but they're still women. But, you're probably used to thinking physical sex, assigned sex at birth, and gender identity are the same. Physical sex and assigned sex are different after a person undergoes a medical transition, but also in the case of intersex people who often get randomly forced to live as one gender or another. Gender identity is pretty much what makes trans people transition, in cases when it doesn't match their bodies or assigned social roles. There have always been lgbt people, and in the past they had different theories about themselves than we do now, but, like, we've got what we've got.

    I can totally see why people learn about this stuff and don't believe it. Obviously, there are conservatives who hate anybody who acts different than them, but also there are more liberal people who get dismayed at ideas like gender confirmation surgery (you know, T HE S U R G E R Y) or male lesbians or neopronouns or whatever. I might even agree that it doesn't make sense, except that I have to acknowledge the reality of my own life, which pretty much fits the ideas above.

    I was seriously depressed starting from almost the moment I began puberty. I didn't understand what was happening, I just know I suddenly felt sad a lot, and doing things other than lying in bed was hard. Im pretty smart, and had a good supportive family, so I sort of coasted on inertia as a teenager. I finished school and had friends and stuff, I was a functional person on paper, but I hated almost every minute of it. Because I felt awful all the time, especially about my body, I learned how to dissociate really well. I could walk and talk like a normal person, but it was like I wasn't even in my body, and I was watching myself run around in a video game or something. I knew I was bisexual because I had crushes on girls in my classes, but also my male best friend. But, when I tried dating both girls and boys (well one boy, and it was a secret because highschool was still a pretty homophobic place at that time) it always felt wrong or gross somehow.

    I figured out I was trans in college, because I met another trans woman my age, which I never had before. She was very friendly, and we would talk a lot, not about gender but just general stuff. She made me really, really jealous. I just wanted to be like her, but I wasn't sure why. Also, I stared seeing psychologists and psychiatrists at that time, because I was so depressed I could barely get out of bed sometimes. None of them were very helpful, and nobody tested me to see if I was trans. One said I had ADHD (I don't think so?), another said I'm an alcoholic (I'm not?), that kind of thing. Very long short, I hit a low point where I was doing absolutely nothing with my life and had no plans or goals, so I decided to start estrogen.

    When I started estrogen, why depression went away immediately. Clinical depression is a life long struggle for many people. But I was suddenly interested in doing things, and I felt alive. Obviously, a lot of other stuff happens when you abruptly switch sex hormones. Some of it was kind of alarming. But, I felt so much better that it was worth it. So, basically, if there's no such thing as gender identity, why do I feel happy, motivated, and content for the first since I was a child? If gender expression isn't important, why I am really happy now that my body is more feminine and I can wear woman's clothes?

    Also, on the topic of the memes you saw: nobody actually thinks that if a little boy paints his nails, or a little girl plays with her toy truck, they are secretly trans or non binary. I don't believe that all children should be raised gender free or anything, just that you should let them make their own decisions when they get older. But, when you're trans, looking back at the stuff you did as a kid that was, like, really gay is funny, wholesome, and a little sad.