sorry for replying to an old post, but could you tell me a little more about what you liked about the therapist who put in thought and effort? which is to say, what did they do differently from the other two that gave you that impression
Sure. I think the easiest way for me to format this in my mind is bullet points about my experiences, and I want to mention the caveat that I’ve always wanted a bit more from therapy than I’ve gotten (I want something more rigorous than I’ve had), but my first experience was still genuinely helpful overall.
Therapist 1:
-Listened very intently and would often take notes. He made a point to pause me for a second if needed, and it really showed me he cared
-Referenced the notes from previous appointments to make sure he’d get things right most of the time, and to refresh himself on points and descriptions of past events I made before
-Took time to really think about and engage with what I had said after I said it. Wouldn’t just offer feel good platitudes, but would instead actually think sometimes out loud for a moment before reaching the actual suggestion.
-Came up with concrete changes I could make. Even small things like exercise to help with anxiety/depression were more than just “do it”, and he’d follow up on if I had been doing it, why not if I hadn’t, and how to get myself to do it, etc.
-Genuinely cared. More so than just being “nice” he actually seemed invested with my development
-Conversations more often than not had purpose, and he would actually try and get me to be on track if I ended up being more conversational than giving him something to work with. Felt like he valued the time.
-Recognized what was beyond his scope and helped me get additional help. Wasn’t perfect about this, and the other therapists I had did this too, but he was better at this than the others.
-Unfortunately after his wife died he was less helpful (understandable), so I left
Therapist 2:
-Never took notes
-Constantly forgot things I had said in previous visits and would frequently need correction on things he partially remembered. My previous therapist would ask me things he wasn’t completely sure he remembered, but this guy would just say things that were wrong and it would be like “oh, right” after being corrected far too often
-Just gave platitudes as advice most of the time. Nothing felt personalized.
-Advice never really had structure. Like, I know hobbies are helpful for depression, but how about helping me make a concrete plan and making sure I’m trying?
-Even though he was “nice” I felt like he wasn’t invested in me, and I was just paying to talk to a friendly wall that would dispense common wisdom for money
-It took him probably around 10 visits to point out that my self talk is really really negative. I was dumbfounded it took him that long to say that
Therapist 3:
-She took notes, and made some effort to reference them, but it rarely felt like past issues were dug into and connected to the present
-Way too conversational without direction. Things were more of a personal conversation that I could have with a sibling than something constructive and unique to a professional
-Sometime would just get totally off topic and we’d end up talking about life more than my issues. Partially my fault, but my first therapist would have stopped this
-She seemed like she wanted to help, but she didn’t feel qualified to do more than have a normal conversation that just happened to be personal to me
For therapist 4, I think I’m going to be more demanding about the kind of therapist I’m looking for, the kind of issues I have, and what I want to get out of it. I think I should probably put in more effort on my end to journal (audio/writing) a bit here and there, and to keep them and me focused on my issues and a solution/approach during the session. I think a timer on my phone for every 15 minutes or so might be a good idea to keep track of time.
Thank you so much for the detailed and well thought out response. To know the things someone as lucid and objective as yourself are thinking about when they seek therapy is invaluable to anyone reading it that is interested in striving to be the best listener they can be. I'm just a med student but im hoping to be a psychiatrist one day and I really appreciated your notes here.
Theres some stuff here that just makes intuitive sense as professionalism like providing service with continuity (taking, referencing, and following up with notes and suggestions from previous encounters) but there was definitely stuff here I appreciated being reminded of like pausing the patient if they need it but might not realize it and thinking about suggestions out loud to show ones thought process in a clear way prior to application. I hope your current therapist is everything you need and your plans work out!
sorry for replying to an old post, but could you tell me a little more about what you liked about the therapist who put in thought and effort? which is to say, what did they do differently from the other two that gave you that impression
Sure. I think the easiest way for me to format this in my mind is bullet points about my experiences, and I want to mention the caveat that I’ve always wanted a bit more from therapy than I’ve gotten (I want something more rigorous than I’ve had), but my first experience was still genuinely helpful overall.
Therapist 1: -Listened very intently and would often take notes. He made a point to pause me for a second if needed, and it really showed me he cared -Referenced the notes from previous appointments to make sure he’d get things right most of the time, and to refresh himself on points and descriptions of past events I made before -Took time to really think about and engage with what I had said after I said it. Wouldn’t just offer feel good platitudes, but would instead actually think sometimes out loud for a moment before reaching the actual suggestion. -Came up with concrete changes I could make. Even small things like exercise to help with anxiety/depression were more than just “do it”, and he’d follow up on if I had been doing it, why not if I hadn’t, and how to get myself to do it, etc. -Genuinely cared. More so than just being “nice” he actually seemed invested with my development -Conversations more often than not had purpose, and he would actually try and get me to be on track if I ended up being more conversational than giving him something to work with. Felt like he valued the time. -Recognized what was beyond his scope and helped me get additional help. Wasn’t perfect about this, and the other therapists I had did this too, but he was better at this than the others. -Unfortunately after his wife died he was less helpful (understandable), so I left
Therapist 2: -Never took notes -Constantly forgot things I had said in previous visits and would frequently need correction on things he partially remembered. My previous therapist would ask me things he wasn’t completely sure he remembered, but this guy would just say things that were wrong and it would be like “oh, right” after being corrected far too often -Just gave platitudes as advice most of the time. Nothing felt personalized. -Advice never really had structure. Like, I know hobbies are helpful for depression, but how about helping me make a concrete plan and making sure I’m trying? -Even though he was “nice” I felt like he wasn’t invested in me, and I was just paying to talk to a friendly wall that would dispense common wisdom for money -It took him probably around 10 visits to point out that my self talk is really really negative. I was dumbfounded it took him that long to say that
Therapist 3: -She took notes, and made some effort to reference them, but it rarely felt like past issues were dug into and connected to the present -Way too conversational without direction. Things were more of a personal conversation that I could have with a sibling than something constructive and unique to a professional -Sometime would just get totally off topic and we’d end up talking about life more than my issues. Partially my fault, but my first therapist would have stopped this -She seemed like she wanted to help, but she didn’t feel qualified to do more than have a normal conversation that just happened to be personal to me
For therapist 4, I think I’m going to be more demanding about the kind of therapist I’m looking for, the kind of issues I have, and what I want to get out of it. I think I should probably put in more effort on my end to journal (audio/writing) a bit here and there, and to keep them and me focused on my issues and a solution/approach during the session. I think a timer on my phone for every 15 minutes or so might be a good idea to keep track of time.
Hope that helps a bit
Thank you so much for the detailed and well thought out response. To know the things someone as lucid and objective as yourself are thinking about when they seek therapy is invaluable to anyone reading it that is interested in striving to be the best listener they can be. I'm just a med student but im hoping to be a psychiatrist one day and I really appreciated your notes here.
Theres some stuff here that just makes intuitive sense as professionalism like providing service with continuity (taking, referencing, and following up with notes and suggestions from previous encounters) but there was definitely stuff here I appreciated being reminded of like pausing the patient if they need it but might not realize it and thinking about suggestions out loud to show ones thought process in a clear way prior to application. I hope your current therapist is everything you need and your plans work out!
Glad to help, and thanks!