Also, for the sake of this hypothetical: Everyone involved is in peak shape.
Ideas for participants, but if you think of someone else, feel free: Marx, Engels, Lenin, Stalin, Trotsky, Mao, Fidel, Raul, Che, Sankara, Hugo, Maduro, Evo, Lula, Malcolm X, MLK, Fred Hampton, Bernie, Corbyn, Kropotkin, AOC, Ilhan, Rosa, Fantano, the Chapos, TrueAnon, DeVito, John Brown, Xi, Zizek, Greta, Ho Chi Minh, Woody Guthrie, Rage Against The Machine, etc.
John Brown would win if you could trick him into thinking that every one of his opponents were slave owners