This is the thread to come to when you need to get stuff off your chest but don’t want to bother or upset anyone. Please be conscious of your comrades and use spoilers and CWs as necessary
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If you don’t want people to respond to your venting, start the post with the ❌ emoji
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I just came up with the above system on the spot, please let me know if you have feedback on it!
I think I'm going to have to be done with the whole chapo sphere, including this website, after the shit that went on on the discord yesterday and today. It just doesn't seem to be a safe place for me. It's been pretty frequent conflict. Things aren't bad for me on chacha itself, but apparently if I post a venting thread that doesn't even mention what happened on the discord in here people will call it a "subtweet". So if prying eyes can't leave me alone even here, I don't feel safe even here. Probably should be able to vent on the ND comm on different community without that sort of thing happening, but here we are.
Whether its on me or whether its on the community or whether its a mix of both, I don't know at this point. But I do know that I feel unsafe on the discord, have multiple people who hate me at this point, and apparently can't feel safe even in the ND comm on here without someone judging me for what I post. I'm sure they'll comment on this in there as well.
Right now I'm really mixed up if this is all me being a manipulative piece of shit with a victim complex or whether the chapo sphere really does have a problem accommodating ND people. It's confusing as hell and I don't think it will ever settle for me. But at this point I think I've done too much damage to my reputation on the discord at least to participate there anymore. And there's too much crossover for me to feel comfortable here anymore as well.
What happened on the discord? The discord is fucking garbage and a mess, if losers are trying to drag drama from there onto chacha you should narc on them so the mods can go purge.
If you really feel like you gotta bounce, maybe you could make a new account here and just not tell anyone. I like seeing your posts :(
basically what happened is that the admin who previously called me out for perceived sexism on two different occasions strongly disagreed with an idea i had for the server, which in retrospect WAS bad lol. at the time i didnt understand why though, and i asked for clarification. her explanation made sense, but she started it off with "No, simple as that", which triggered my RSD which was already raw from being rejected by someone an hour earlier. after that i said once again that this admin has a problem communicating with ND people, which im not sure i stand by. oh and i forgot to mention that i had openly said that i was dealing with RSD after i asked for clarification.
after i left people talked about it. and one thing someone said was that they stood by the admin and that RSD should be dealt with with therapy not by other people adjusting.
Yeah, that's a pretty bad take and it sucks that that was their response. They aren't wrong in a sense, therapy can help, but all a therapist can do is help you to prepare for ways of dealing with RSD when it happens. Saying "just get therapy for RSD" to someone with ADHD would be like if someone started watching TV in the same room as me while I'm trying to study and then saying "just get therapy to focus better" when I tell them that they're distracting me. Yeah sure, therapy would help me focus better, but because I have ADHD I'm never going to be able to study in the same room as someone who's watching TV regardless of whatever coping mechanisms I have at my disposal. Either they're going to have to turn off the TV or I'm going to have to study somewhere else.
Similarly, there's no way to coexist with something that's triggering RSD. Either the trigger has to stop or the person with RSD has to disengage. All therapy can do is speed up the recovery process after disengaging.
The insinuation seemed to be that with CBT you could like, actually cope in the moment better or something. But idk. It just seems like an excuse for noone to have to change their behavior.
From what I understand, the only way to cope in the moment is to try and completely flatten out your emotional state before hand and mentally prepare yourself to try and dampen the blow when it happens. But really, this'll only work if you know you're going to experience RSD ahead of time, and due to the nature of RSD, you don't always know when it'll happen. So really in order for this to be effective, you need to be in a constant unemotional/emotionally detached state, which obviously leads to it's own problems of you acting like an insensitive asshole at times, and ironically enough will probably lead to many more situations that can trigger RSD lol. And of course you're still only dampening the blow, not stopping it, so it'll still going to have an effect on you. There's also no guarantee you'll even be successful in dampening the blow.
The only other option is to be a complete ass-kisser so that no one is ever mean to you, which of course is not guaranteed to work either. So if people don't want to change their behavior to accommodate ND comrades (within reason of course), they're going to deal with us either being ass-kissers, assholes or absent from engaging with everyone else, at least on certain topics.