This is the thread to come to when you need to get stuff off your chest but don’t want to bother or upset anyone. Please be conscious of your comrades and use spoilers and CWs as necessary
Also, sometimes when folks vent they just want to get it out, they don’t want advice or feedback or anything, so if that’s you please identify as such and we’ll enforce
If you don’t want people to respond to your venting, start the post with the ❌ emoji
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I think I'm going to have to be done with the whole chapo sphere, including this website, after the shit that went on on the discord yesterday and today. It just doesn't seem to be a safe place for me. It's been pretty frequent conflict. Things aren't bad for me on chacha itself, but apparently if I post a venting thread that doesn't even mention what happened on the discord in here people will call it a "subtweet". So if prying eyes can't leave me alone even here, I don't feel safe even here. Probably should be able to vent on the ND comm on different community without that sort of thing happening, but here we are.
Whether its on me or whether its on the community or whether its a mix of both, I don't know at this point. But I do know that I feel unsafe on the discord, have multiple people who hate me at this point, and apparently can't feel safe even in the ND comm on here without someone judging me for what I post. I'm sure they'll comment on this in there as well.
Right now I'm really mixed up if this is all me being a manipulative piece of shit with a victim complex or whether the chapo sphere really does have a problem accommodating ND people. It's confusing as hell and I don't think it will ever settle for me. But at this point I think I've done too much damage to my reputation on the discord at least to participate there anymore. And there's too much crossover for me to feel comfortable here anymore as well.
What happened on the discord? The discord is fucking garbage and a mess, if losers are trying to drag drama from there onto chacha you should narc on them so the mods can go purge.
If you really feel like you gotta bounce, maybe you could make a new account here and just not tell anyone. I like seeing your posts :(
basically what happened is that the admin who previously called me out for perceived sexism on two different occasions strongly disagreed with an idea i had for the server, which in retrospect WAS bad lol. at the time i didnt understand why though, and i asked for clarification. her explanation made sense, but she started it off with "No, simple as that", which triggered my RSD which was already raw from being rejected by someone an hour earlier. after that i said once again that this admin has a problem communicating with ND people, which im not sure i stand by. oh and i forgot to mention that i had openly said that i was dealing with RSD after i asked for clarification.
after i left people talked about it. and one thing someone said was that they stood by the admin and that RSD should be dealt with with therapy not by other people adjusting.
they stood by the admin and that RSD should be dealt with with therapy not by other people adjusting
Yeah, that's a pretty bad take and it sucks that that was their response. They aren't wrong in a sense, therapy can help, but all a therapist can do is help you to prepare for ways of dealing with RSD when it happens. Saying "just get therapy for RSD" to someone with ADHD would be like if someone started watching TV in the same room as me while I'm trying to study and then saying "just get therapy to focus better" when I tell them that they're distracting me. Yeah sure, therapy would help me focus better, but because I have ADHD I'm never going to be able to study in the same room as someone who's watching TV regardless of whatever coping mechanisms I have at my disposal. Either they're going to have to turn off the TV or I'm going to have to study somewhere else.
Similarly, there's no way to coexist with something that's triggering RSD. Either the trigger has to stop or the person with RSD has to disengage. All therapy can do is speed up the recovery process after disengaging.
The insinuation seemed to be that with CBT you could like, actually cope in the moment better or something. But idk. It just seems like an excuse for noone to have to change their behavior.
From what I understand, the only way to cope in the moment is to try and completely flatten out your emotional state before hand and mentally prepare yourself to try and dampen the blow when it happens. But really, this'll only work if you know you're going to experience RSD ahead of time, and due to the nature of RSD, you don't always know when it'll happen. So really in order for this to be effective, you need to be in a constant unemotional/emotionally detached state, which obviously leads to it's own problems of you acting like an insensitive asshole at times, and ironically enough will probably lead to many more situations that can trigger RSD lol. And of course you're still only dampening the blow, not stopping it, so it'll still going to have an effect on you. There's also no guarantee you'll even be successful in dampening the blow.
The only other option is to be a complete ass-kisser so that no one is ever mean to you, which of course is not guaranteed to work either. So if people don't want to change their behavior to accommodate ND comrades (within reason of course), they're going to deal with us either being ass-kissers, assholes or absent from engaging with everyone else, at least on certain topics.
I cannot fucking STAND it when people get angry with me for not understanding something and demand that I explain why I don't understand
If I fucking knew why I didn't understand, I would've understood from the start wouldn't I you fuck
After posting this thread https://hexbear.net/post/82174 I finally went ahead and made an appointment with my GP to get referred to a psychiatrist. I started keeping a note on my phone about possible symptoms and memories of things that might have been related to undiagnosed ADHD as I think of them. I also just spoke to my friend who also got diagnosed as an adult last year about their experience and after that I'm fairly convinced I do have it. Problem is, the appointment with my GP is in 2 weeks and no idea how long it will be until I'll be able to see the psychiatrist after I get a referral. I feel like I'm now aware I'm in Plato's cave but know I won't even be able to start leaving for at least 2 weeks. It's hard to not think about all the lost time.
I hate texting. Everytime people don't respond within a minute or two I start worrying that i said something rude or offensive by accident
currently switching to the shittiest phone I can find for similar reasons. i.e. never sure what anyone thinks communicating with text. helps to get the fuck outside too.
human communication is quantified, measured, flattened, its multiplicity withdrawn, alienated, and the extent of a cold utility spread out, supplanting the warm colour of the being who is nevertheless very present, who tries as best he can to open and exchange his depths, by a tiny, intimate, or even superficial link, pulling us all when the eye is not a word but just an eye.
Idk what exactly I should say here, 'cause I'm not really upset or venting per se, but there's a lot of things about neurodivergence that never gets told to people, even if they are neurodivergent.
For example, I've been trying my hand at speedrunning during the power outages here in Texas, 'cause I have a laptop and nothing better to do. One thing I was never told about ADHD is that it messes with your coordination and slows down your reaction time, which it should be obvious as to how that could limit someone's ability to speedrun something. Now I should say, I'm not really upset or frustrated by my limited coordination/reaction speed, and I've definitely gotten better with practice. For the specific level I'm trying to speed run, I've shaved off over a minute from my very first successful run, down from 3:18 to 2:26, and then to 2:07, which puts me only 9 seconds away from beating the 6th place time on speedrun.com, and I only started trying to speedrun this week.
That said, it still sucks that my abilities are limited. The top speedrunner has a time that's just over half of my current best time, and they're having to do a ton of very precisely timed inputs to get that fast. They probably already put in a ton of practice to get that good, and for me it'd probably take 10x as much effort just to get down to a 5th place 1:30 time. But really, my problem isn't that my abilities are limited, it's that no one ever really told me all the ways in which my abilities were limited. Part of the reason why my limited reaction time and coordination haven't really been bothering me is that I already know they're there, but I only learned that ADHD causes those problem within the last year after watching some videos on ADHD where someone just happened to bring it up. I can only imagine how someone with ADHD would feel trying to do what I've been doing for the past week without the knowledge of how it limits their abilities. Constantly switching to the wrong weapon, pressing wrong buttons, dodging or parrying too late or too early, but having no idea as to why. It would get frustrating really fast, and most people would probably give up, which sucks because as I've experienced, I clearly can "get good(ish)", even with my abilities limited by a neurodevelopmental disorder that I'll never be able to fix.
Guess what I'm trying to say is that ADHD limiting my abilities sucks, but if I never knew how ADHD limited my abilities, it would suck even more. And what sucks the most is that I don't remember anyone ever sitting me down and helping me to recognize/understand all the ways in which my abilities could be limited, 'cause it's a lot easier to cope with my disabilities once I actually know they're there.
