Listen champs, I’ve been vaccinated since November and I am personally in Texas right now distributing blankets, food, and medical supplies.
On my highspeed rail trip to Texas, I nationalized all utilities in America and ordered the military to hunt down and publicly execute every current and previous executive of a Texan power company. Their mansions have already been turned into shelters for those victimized by their capitalist greed.
We aren’t going to put up with this shit anymore, you lying dog-faced pony soldiers. Thankfully many families had the money they needed to prepare due to the recurring monthly 4k pandemic relief checks which started on day 1. I had to lock the senate indoors and make them vote at gunpoint, but goddammit I keep my promises.
The corporate media can call me whatever the hell they want, I’ll keep purging them every time they slander me.
We are evaluating what charges need to be filed against Texas Governor Gregory Wayne Abbott, but our only priority at this time is protecting and helping the people of Texas. We refuse to hold a political trial while innocent Americans suffer. Abbot has been placed under arrest until his trial, which will be held after this crisis is resolved. Elections for a new governor will be held in parallel with Abbot's trial.
Until the next election, we have handed control of the state to a counsel of Texan Anarchists who are cooperating with us in leftist solidarity. The Maoist Federal government will defend their autonomy with force if necessary.