Just the absurdity of it really. Walking up to the counter like a proud moose, asking the man for his finest viagra, him looking shocked that I didn't look ashamed at all, he hands me a form with a bunch of questions made for old people about heart conditions and viagra interactions that just made me laugh even more.

I said that too after I left my last relationship. Thought to myself ok, I won't get into another relationship until therapy has fully fixed me. But that's a classic softboy move, pretending like you're making some great sacrifice for humanity when really it's just an excuse to avoid your problems. Plenty of proper cunts get into relationships. In the grand scheme of things, since we're lefty inclined, we're already gonna make better boyfriends than most guys cos we have the slightest awareness of women's issues. Even the self awareness to say you've been a shithead for ages shows emotional maturity that most people lack. No one's perfect - you end up dating someone who's positives outweigh the negatives. I don't know how old you are, but at my age, it's prime time for testing out relationships. People are aware that these relationships now probably won't last, but you ride em out until it stops being a positive force in your life, and when it ends you realise you learnt a lot about yourself. It's practice for the end game.

You socialize when you're a mess by fucking it up every now and again, and looking back on it and cringing. Being able to cringe at your old self just means you've grown and learnt. Not an easy thing to do by any means, but if you're at rock bottom there's no harm in trying. Probably time to get a new therapist too.