Maybe I'm weird but I never factor in "success" when being attracted to a dude. The only thing I care about is if we have stuff in common and if he's not going to be a liar, dangerous or controlling. I find the idea that I'd be so shallow to give a shit about the "social capital" of someone insulting.
Speaking as a dude who has bounced off of casual dating about four times, that does make you weird for gen pop. I worked for a long time in a scientific field where I could both say I was a laboratory technician or a garbage disposal person depending on how I wanted to frame it, and you can straight see the interest die in people's eyes when you say the latter. Which is funny as fuck because actual garbage collectors make pretty good money. Part of the patriarchy is that a lot of women still have "the man needs to be more successful/ make more money than me" internalized, which really super sucks when you live in a super conservative area and dating apps are your main way of finding people.
Ah, true. It probably just don't notice that because I don't date women and because I am a women that isn't like that, I assume most of them are like me. Ugh now I feel like a #notlikeothergirls. Embarrassing.
The irony is chuds think feminism causes these shallow women when in reality feminism tells you not to use men for money.
I don't even think it's about money; most of these women have jobs and support themselves and such. But, pretty much everyone is conditioned to want someone "better" than them. For straight men this comes off as wanting a conventionally beautiful/hot woman because beauty is one of the few positive social traits that is pretty much completely denied to men, and for women who have traditionally been excluded from high status it comes off as that. Idk if there's similar dynamics in gay dating, I've had gay roommates tell me that there's a lot of pressure to conform to the "type" of gay dude you come off as, but that's anecdotal.
For what it's worth I'd (and I know a lot of other women would too) love it if it were more socially acceptable for men to express their beauty (only if they wanted to though). A lot of guys are convinced that men are 'ugly' and that just isn't true.
I hope one day people can just be themselves and not on some vague traditions of what we're supposed to be
Maybe I'm weird but I never factor in "success" when being attracted to a dude. The only thing I care about is if we have stuff in common and if he's not going to be a liar, dangerous or controlling. I find the idea that I'd be so shallow to give a shit about the "social capital" of someone insulting.
Speaking as a dude who has bounced off of casual dating about four times, that does make you weird for gen pop. I worked for a long time in a scientific field where I could both say I was a laboratory technician or a garbage disposal person depending on how I wanted to frame it, and you can straight see the interest die in people's eyes when you say the latter. Which is funny as fuck because actual garbage collectors make pretty good money. Part of the patriarchy is that a lot of women still have "the man needs to be more successful/ make more money than me" internalized, which really super sucks when you live in a super conservative area and dating apps are your main way of finding people.
Ah, true. It probably just don't notice that because I don't date women and because I am a women that isn't like that, I assume most of them are like me. Ugh now I feel like a #notlikeothergirls. Embarrassing.
The irony is chuds think feminism causes these shallow women when in reality feminism tells you not to use men for money.
I don't even think it's about money; most of these women have jobs and support themselves and such. But, pretty much everyone is conditioned to want someone "better" than them. For straight men this comes off as wanting a conventionally beautiful/hot woman because beauty is one of the few positive social traits that is pretty much completely denied to men, and for women who have traditionally been excluded from high status it comes off as that. Idk if there's similar dynamics in gay dating, I've had gay roommates tell me that there's a lot of pressure to conform to the "type" of gay dude you come off as, but that's anecdotal.
Yeah, I think you're right.
For what it's worth I'd (and I know a lot of other women would too) love it if it were more socially acceptable for men to express their beauty (only if they wanted to though). A lot of guys are convinced that men are 'ugly' and that just isn't true.
I hope one day people can just be themselves and not on some vague traditions of what we're supposed to be