Source: https://www.thestranger.com/

Kshama Sawant (SA) was thought to be absent from yesterday’s Seattle City Council assembly after she failed to show up in her seat after an hour. However, a security sweep executed by Dan Strauss (D) as he left to go to the bathroom revealed that the only Trotskyist in a major city council had split into 16 different clones over what has suspected by observers to have effectively been “a shower argument about electoralism gone wrong”.

“It’s like, real Kirby Mass Attack shit”, Zack Ames (I), a recently hired security intern, remarked in an overheard phone call. “I tried to pick one of her up, but she punched me right in the fingernail! Fuck, it still hurts, man.”

As of the time of writing, the Sawants are getting into a fistfight on the formerly unified councilwoman’s desk over Fidel Castro’s policies.

All 16 press offices were contacted for an official statement, but each of them gave responses calling our reporters dweebs, of which the longest lasted only three sentences.