ObamaSama [he/him]

Three of my buddies there are saying it’s a complete nothing burger as far as affecting everyday life, “martial law” here does not mean the military shutting anything down. Just some internal power struggles that somehow scapegoat the DPRK?

Finished the book earlier today, lot to process and think through. It’s a similar feeling to reading Kapital where everything suddenly just clicks and the entire world is recontextualized in a way that makes so much more sense. I didn’t realize how deep the patriarchal brain worms go, the book does a great job of getting you to look back at your childhood and see the ways you’ve been conditioned from day one. I’m still making connections between a lot of different thoughts, feelings, and formative experiences, everything really goes back to the same place. I didn’t realize that I have so much deeply ingrained misogyny to excise, so many ways my behavior and thinking is molded by adhering to a patriarchal ideal.

I hope to get my thoughts together and contribute more to further discussion threads, I’m just immensely grateful to everyone here that recommended this book! I’ve already started pushing it on everyone I know that I think would be even slightly receptive, it’s such a good introduction to feminist ideas. Begged my girlfriend to read it to no avail, really hoping I can get her to eventually as I’m not nearly as eloquent as bell hooks. Also doesn’t help that I can’t even try to describe some of the things mentioned without tearing up. I feel like this book perfectly describes the alienation I’ve felt from being with women that ask me to open up and then ignore me/get upset when I actually do. Fingers crossed it goes differently this time, I’ve already spoken very frankly about suicidal ideation and depression with her. Cried in her arms before we even officially started to date so if that didn’t scare her off hopefully some theory won’t

My mom used it to “treat” her Covid almost a year ago. She did not make it to the new year.

The anecdote about your daughter is so cute, brought a tear to my eye. So nice to hear a way you were able to create a situation for love and affection to be shown instead of simply being upset and forcing your will on her

I have to preface this by saying that, while being generally aware of feminist concepts and terms, I have not really read any explicitly feminist theory. I always got the impression that it was not “for me” as it came from a place so removed from my own lived experience, often with no regard for it or outright contempt and hostility. I could engage with and understand how damaging and oppressive patriarchal structures are to women and queer people but didn’t fully grasp just how much it impacts me as a cishet man. I realize that it’s lazy and incredibly self centered to not engage more deeply on subjects that are not directly relevant to me as a person but can’t deny that I struggle to get deeply invested in theory I don’t find some emotional resonance in. If I only engage with something on a purely intellectual level without being able to apply it to lived experiences and critically examine the way those concepts interact with some baseline that’s more intimately familiar it tends to fall flat.

All of that is to say that I’m coming into this book pretty blind so I’m being totally mind blown by concepts that are likely already well trodden for many here. I have a lot more thoughts I’d like to share but feel I should probably just re read the first two chapters again to fine tune them to the actual text rather than going off on an excited but uninformed tangent

Listen to literally anything but top 40 then? I have almost exclusively listened to whacky obscure shit on soundcloud for the past decade, there’s so much creative and fun stuff dropping every single day. There are so many vibrant and unique scenes across the world, kinda wild to limit yourself to the most popular American stuff. You can absolutely find something you vibe with, just takes a modicum of effort to find things that aren’t heavily marketed and constantly shoved in your face. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and drop any preconceptions of what music “should” be and you’ll have a much better time

Yeah using dating apps in a rural area is gonna be miserable. I was lucky that the small town I grew up in was fairly close to a college campus so I dated a few girls from there, no chance otherwise. It’s very location dependent, I can get hundreds of matches in some places and practically none in others. I think dating apps are totally viable in big cities albeit still not easy, my four most recent relationships have been from them (fingers crossed the current one works out long term and I never have to do that shit again).

It doesn’t sound like you’re looking to relocate but I’d highly recommend taking the plunge and trying it out. I wasted 24 years of my life in a tiny town with no real opportunities, an hour commute to a mid job until I saved enough to move closer to said mid job was looking like my only future. I was lucky enough to find a good job on the other side of the country and it’s been nothing but up since then. I’m not suggesting moving just to get laid easier but because there are more things to do, more friends to make, more job opportunities, more new ways to experience life. Rural America makes it so much harder to do all of the things I value in life, I didn’t realize just how bad it was until I got out and saw what life could be like. The next step from there is leaving the country entirely but I wouldn’t advise jumping straight to that lol

Japanese style peanuts are the fucking best, munching on some right now! Korean ones are definitely my favorite but the ones here in Vietnam are also great. Pretty much every Asian food store I’ve been to in the states has them so I highly recommend everyone to give them a try if they can!

Show

Same, I’ve only ever heard the Milo impression so when I finally do hear his real voice I imagine it will seem like an impression

Hell yeah, please ping me!

Edit: Ok I planned to just briefly skim the preface and ended up blazing through the first two chapters, this book fuckin HITS. Will absolutely rec this to some of my friends, thanks for creating this discussion group! I would absolutely love a regular book club, this website already introduced Feinberg and Sakai to me and I’d love to read more!

I’ve seen a lot of people welding here in Vietnam and NOBODY is using any eye protection, just straight staring into the flare

I barely have enough time or energy for one girl, really don’t understand people that cheat. Seems like so much effort for such little return, just break up if you’re not happy with someone instead of stringing them along

I discovered that hexbear is blocked in China during a layover in Guangzhou, are we the revisionists???

Please share some pics when you finish a piece! That style sounds sick and the honeycomb already looks great

On one hand seeing the absolute depths humanity can sink to makes me want to join him but on the other hand I feel it’s worth sticking around to see just how bad it gets

Yes, all men: https://on.soundcloud.com/Hrx9Y3nbRd128X4eA

Come through pal, we’ve got room for one more at the crash pad

Same energy as saying “I make the best ramen” when it’s instant noodles with an egg thrown in. My heart goes out to all the grown ass people with such limited culinary experiences they’re that easily impressed. Just use fresh ingredients to make things from scratch with your partner, it’s a blast! The heavily processed ready made slop is only needed when you dump all the responsibility on one person

Mutual interests are the best way! You can skip past awkward small talk and just chat about something you’re both interested in. There are loads of social hobbies that are great ways to meet people, just pick one that you’re interested in and try to find a local group for it. I’ve met some great people from board game meetups, running groups, scuba diving, protests, you name it.

It’s also incredibly easy to make friends with other expats if you’re traveling in other countries, they’re usually also lonely and directionless so they’re much more open to hanging out with randos. Staying in a hostel is pretty much a guaranteed way to meet some cool people! Locals are also more forgiving if you’re a little “eccentric” since there isn’t the same expectation of following all the unspoken social norms that some ND people can struggle with. Obviously don’t be an obnoxious tourist with no respect for local customs but like, you have some extra wiggle room in interpersonal interactions. I know travel is a very privileged thing but I highly recommend it if you’re able to.

Last year I was incredibly depressed with literally one friend and almost never left the house. I’m now a bona fide social butterfly making new friends every time I go out, you CAN make that change. It’s a matter of getting out there and putting yourself in situations where you can meet people. It does take courage and a willingness to be open and vulnerable to others, just taking that first step can be scary. However, I’ve realized that people are way less judgmental and cliquey than I previously thought. If you approach people with genuine respect and sincerity they’re not going to give a fuck about all the silly little things you’re insecure about and will usually reciprocate that same respect.

Genuinely stoked to go to Vietnam in a few days, any comrades in the area know of any mutual aid I could get involved in? Gonna be in Ho Chi Minh City and Hanoi for a few weeks