Passing is irrelevant to whether or not you deserve to be gendered correctly (you do)
Passing is irrelevant to whether or not you are the gender you say you are (you are)
I don't want someone she/her-ing me because I told them to do that, I want them to she/her me because they actually genuinely think that it fits me
Why should anyone's opinion of you matter? Irrelevant to you being comfortable and gendered correctly.
It seems to me like you really hate yourself over not passing and not feel inglike a woman, which you'll probably need to root out in order to stop being embarrassed over this.
I'm so worried about being judged and I constantly torment myself thinking about what other people think of me. I'm so afraid that by being visibly and openly trans that I make other people uncomfortable and making other people uncomfortable is like my biggest fear
It seems to me like you really hate yourself over not passing and not feeling like a woman, which you'll probably need to root out in order to stop being embarrassed over this.
True I do hate myself but I have no idea how to root that out. I have no idea how to be okay with what I am
If people are made uncomfortable by their gender that's a them-issue though, you deserve to exist comfortably yourself. The only reason someone could be made "uncomfortable" by an openly trans person is transphobia, and they DESERVE to be uncomfortable for that. There is not anything wrong with being openly-visibly trans
I wish I had a precise, scientific answer and set of instructions on how to do that. I'm lucky enough that my wife (who is nonbinary, woah ✨) was happy to help shore up my confidence by constantly giving me compliments, praise, all the good stuff, but "she can fix me!" is not great advice But like, being trans is generally cool and interesting, most of the stuff that sucks about being trans is the fault of the society we live in, instead.
being trans is generally cool and interesting, most of the stuff that sucks about being trans is the fault of the society we live in, instead.
This has kind of been the opposite of my experience. Yeah my parents are transphobic pieces of shit, but like 90% of the people I deal with outside of them are very nice about me being trans and gender me correctly and use my name once I tell them. The shit that makes me want to pluck my eyes out is when I look in the mirror. I hate my body I hate my rib cage I hate my wide-ass shoulders I hate having a dick I hate existing in this body
Well that's good in a roundabout way at least, because dysphoria does fuckin suck badly, but it's good that you don't run into transphobic fucks all that often. Hm...
That might also just be the fact that I live on campus of a liberal college and go out of my way to interact with as few people as I possibly can in a day, maybe once I graduate and move I'll deal with more bigots
If people are made uncomfortable by their gender that’s a them-issue though, you deserve to exist comfortably yourself. The only reason someone could be made “uncomfortable” by an openly trans person is transphobia, and they DESERVE to be uncomfortable for that.
I think trans people are great, but I do notice I become more self-conscious about being careful to use the correct pronouns when talking about them, which I don't really have a problem with, but I also for some reason feel like I wouldn't want to make others feel like that (partly because I don't care about which ones people use, so it would be pointless). But I might have a problem with excessive people pleasing...
help shore up my confidence by constantly giving me compliments, praise, all the good stuff
I've typically found compliments make me uncomfortable (and avoid giving compliments because I don't want to make others uncomfortable). Thanks for the reminder that often people probably do like them.
Uh, why not? I think it's fine if people feel the need to be a little careful about pronouns around trans people. It's such a minimum-effort thing to consider someone's pronouns anyway, whatever. Not caring about pronouns is cool tho
Oh, yeah I didn't consider that. I'm really incredibly bad at giving compliments cause I'm awkward as fuck, but I try anyway cause Idk, it'd be cool to make someone feel nice. I get +100 dopamine and +1000 confidence when I get compliments, people do not abuse my affinity for being complimented enough. When people say my hair is amazing or that I look awesome in thigh high boots, that shit's better than any high I could achieve
I totally agree with you, but I can't help being stupid about it anyways.
When people say my hair is amazing or that I look awesome in thigh high boots, that shit’s better than any high I could achieve
Most compliments I've typically received as an egg have been related to my appearance I disliked and sometimes explicitly masculine-coded compliments. But I had no clue why I disliked them so much (nor did I get why sometimes there were exceptions where I did like them...). Also, a lot of "compliments" about being (school) smart are just backhanded insults imo and/or people presuming I look down on them. Either way, I still have the emotional feeling of compliments = bad.
I've typically found compliments make me uncomfortable (and avoid giving compliments because I don't want to make others uncomfortable). Thanks for the reminder that often people probably do like them.
I'm in the exact same boat, people being really nice to me just makes me suspicious. I usually feel like shit after getting complimented
Happy Early May Day!
Same ✨
Passing is irrelevant to whether or not you deserve to be gendered correctly (you do)
Passing is irrelevant to whether or not you are the gender you say you are (you are)
Why should anyone's opinion of you matter? Irrelevant to you being comfortable and gendered correctly.
It seems to me like you really hate yourself over not passing and not feel inglike a woman, which you'll probably need to root out in order to stop being embarrassed over this.
spoiler
I'm so worried about being judged and I constantly torment myself thinking about what other people think of me. I'm so afraid that by being visibly and openly trans that I make other people uncomfortable and making other people uncomfortable is like my biggest fear
True I do hate myself but I have no idea how to root that out. I have no idea how to be okay with what I am
spoiler
If people are made uncomfortable by their gender that's a them-issue though, you deserve to exist comfortably yourself. The only reason someone could be made "uncomfortable" by an openly trans person is transphobia, and they DESERVE to be uncomfortable for that. There is not anything wrong with being openly-visibly trans
I wish I had a precise, scientific answer and set of instructions on how to do that. I'm lucky enough that my wife (who is nonbinary, woah ✨) was happy to help shore up my confidence by constantly giving me compliments, praise, all the good stuff, but "she can fix me!" is not great advice
But like, being trans is generally cool and interesting, most of the stuff that sucks about being trans is the fault of the society we live in, instead.
spoiler
This has kind of been the opposite of my experience. Yeah my parents are transphobic pieces of shit, but like 90% of the people I deal with outside of them are very nice about me being trans and gender me correctly and use my name once I tell them. The shit that makes me want to pluck my eyes out is when I look in the mirror. I hate my body I hate my rib cage I hate my wide-ass shoulders I hate having a dick I hate existing in this body
spoiler
Well that's good in a roundabout way at least, because dysphoria does fuckin suck badly,
but it's good that you don't run into transphobic fucks all that often. Hm...
spoiler
That might also just be the fact that I live on campus of a liberal college and go out of my way to interact with as few people as I possibly can in a day, maybe once I graduate and move I'll deal with more bigots
spoiler
Hope not
Despite living in a retirement town I haven't dealt with a ton myself.
spoiler
I think trans people are great, but I do notice I become more self-conscious about being careful to use the correct pronouns when talking about them, which I don't really have a problem with, but I also for some reason feel like I wouldn't want to make others feel like that (partly because I don't care about which ones people use, so it would be pointless). But I might have a problem with excessive people pleasing...
I've typically found compliments make me uncomfortable (and avoid giving compliments because I don't want to make others uncomfortable). Thanks for the reminder that often people probably do like them.
Uh, why not? I think it's fine if people feel the need to be a little careful about pronouns around trans people. It's such a minimum-effort thing to consider someone's pronouns anyway, whatever. Not caring about pronouns is cool tho
Oh, yeah I didn't consider that. I'm really incredibly bad at giving compliments cause I'm awkward as fuck, but I try anyway cause Idk, it'd be cool to make someone feel nice. I get +100 dopamine and +1000 confidence when I get compliments, people do not abuse my affinity for being complimented enough. When people say my hair is amazing or that I look awesome in thigh high boots, that shit's better than any high I could achieve
I totally agree with you, but I can't help being stupid about it anyways.
Most compliments I've typically received as an egg have been related to my appearance I disliked and sometimes explicitly masculine-coded compliments. But I had no clue why I disliked them so much (nor did I get why sometimes there were exceptions where I did like them...). Also, a lot of "compliments" about being (school) smart are just backhanded insults imo and/or people presuming I look down on them. Either way, I still have the emotional feeling of compliments = bad.
It's fine, just dw about it :) IMO it's a basic social courtesy to be considerate of people's pronouns, and everyone deserves it.
Oh yeah that would be less than pleasant
I totally get why you'd dislike compliments if that's been your experience of them, which sucks 
sorry...
spoiler
I'm in the exact same boat, people being really nice to me just makes me suspicious. I usually feel like shit after getting complimented