I finally understand social cues and why they think autistics don't feel empathy
youtu.be
The creator I'm talking about can be found here: https://www.tiktok.com/@csmijango In this video, I will share a huge click that I had around social cues, em...

I watched the video linked above yesterday morning, and it really blew my mind. I'm still processing it and would love to discuss it with you all.

It's 08m04s, no music, sound effects, startles, or sponsor shit, just a late-diagnosed woman discussing a revelation she had about communication differences.

She explains it better than I will, but to give you the overview, she thinks that allistics prioritize the parts of the communication process this way:

  1. feelings
  2. social context
  3. information exchange

and autistics instead do

  1. information exchange
  2. social context
  3. feelings

The way she explains it (and the examples she gives) makes so much sense to me. Idk yet how to incorporate that new understanding into my attempts to communicate with allistics, but wow, yeah, this extremely simple difference blew my mind and seems obvious in retrospect.

  • BountifulEggnog [she/her]
    ·
    4 months ago

    2:15 also makes everything make sense with why so many people seem to react very weirdly (to me) when given new information. Like, if given new and better information, you'd change your mind (and ultimately, at least eventually, be happier for it). BUT NO ONE ACTUALLY DOES THIS. THEY'LL SAY "NO" AND START IGNORING YOU. it's always been so incredibly confusing for me. Like the backfire effect. How could it possibly be that proving to somebody they're wrong make them more confident?

    Why isn't everyone autistic this would be so much easier.

    Edit: ranting about the backfire effect. And everyone who explains it has a moment where they're like "but actually it makes sense because it makes them feel less secure in their position and stupid so they just have to double down to save face." like no wtf? If I felt less secure in my position, and stupid for having it, I'd change it. Because it's wrong, I know that, and I feel bad for having it. I certainly wouldn't go forward with that position in the future!

    • SuperZutsuki [they/them, any]
      ·
      4 months ago

      I think it's the innate herd mentality. Someone in the comments expanded on it saying that if a person above them in the social hierarchy gives them new information they will immediately accept it, with or without evidence. This is the sort of thing that critical thinking should overcome but look at the state of western education lmao. I like to say that allistics lack empathy because they replace reality with their own made up bullshit and this has caused me a lot of pain and suffering throughout my life.

      • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]
        ·
        4 months ago

        allistics lack empathy

        I kinda think so.

        I am starting to believe that they're actually less truly empathetic than autistic people, they're just more performatively empathetic in certain social contexts, which makes them seem more empathetic to other allistics.

        • ashinadash [she/her]
          ·
          4 months ago

          I'm sorry, allistics, performative??? That would never happen!!!

    • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]
      ·
      4 months ago

      And everyone who explains it has a moment where they're like "but actually it makes sense because it makes them feel less secure in their position and stupid so they just have to double down to save face." like no wtf? If I felt less secure in my position, and stupid for having it, I'd change it. Because it's wrong, I know that, and I feel bad for having it.

      100%

      it's always been baffling to me, but if they really value how they feel over what they know, it does finally make sense

      It doesn't make it seem less foolish to me, tbqh, but I guess I at least understand the why finally