It's ruining my life. And the irony is it's the only way to dissociate from bad things. At least it seems like that's the only way. Feels like the snake that eats its own tail.
Edit: thank you all for the good advice and support. It means a lot. I love my comrades. 
In my experience as well as several people I've known, it actually can work to start by substituting your alcohol consumption with a different, less destructive drug like weed for example, replace your drinking habit with smoking weed, then ween off the weed (smoking all the time is still bad for you, but it's less bad than drinking and easier / safer to quit).
I smoke cigars and I've heard from people who were able to quit drinking, and others who actually quit cigarettes, by smoking cigars.
I haven't done either myself and I don't know at what stage of addiction either group was at but just want to mention it. Does seem like some people successfully sub out their addictions for milder things that can be less destructive and constant, which is kinda wild when you think about it.