Remember, EM POC only!
This message is to my EM POC comrades: Angel loves all of you.
Especially as of late, I have truly been feeling like this community has worked wonders in keeping me stable when it comes to handling the massive jar of mayo that this site can be sometimes.
How are you all?
It sounds like what you and your partner have is really beautiful, I'm so sorry about everything you've gone through.
My partner and I reached this point once before, we broke up and lived separately for a while. I'm so so thankful that we made our way back to each other and now our relationship is stronger than ever. I hope you make it through this time as unscathed as possible, and live long enough to know happiness again. Much love comrade.
Thank you so much. I shouldn't have checked this at work I'm sobbing right now. I'm so scared and heartbroken. When they told me about the longstanding problems they thought I'd leave them over it, but instead I said I wanted to address all the problems so that we could look back on this as the moment we really turned things around and made our relationship healthier than ever. They said they would like that, but since then it seems they've broken too hard to be able to do the work with me. Thanks for giving me a shred of hope that even if we break up now we may be able to reconnect.
Update: They left. They left and said they cannot ever come back, even if they heal their trauma, even if I heal my trauma, because the relationship itself is too damaged. They also said they're just starting to realize their trauma was way worse than they had realized, and contributed much more to the bad dynamics than they'd thought -- earlier they thought it was mostly mine that was the problem, and as we were discussing the breakup they realized just how much harm their trauma had done to me and even brought my own out too (which hurt them in turn).
We were just doomed. We were just fucked from before the start. We were completely and utterly set up to fail. I'm glad you and your partner were able to reconnect, but my partner is too principled and stubborn to be willing to do that with me -- when they say it's over and they'll never be back, they mean it in a way that I cannot doubt. Honestly, your case is probably a great outlier, most people never reconnect after splitting up.
I don't know what to do with my life now. I restructured so much of my life to be devoted to them. I got through the brutal work days because I wanted to provide for them. I worked on myself to be better because I wanted to grow and heal for them.
I can feel your love and pain through your words, I'm sorry for your loss.
I do think it's rare, and it involved me being homeless, so not the happiest story either to be honest, but I'm just about putting it behind me recently.
The interconnectedness, deep solidarity and true comradery are one of the most divine things about a close relationship. However in an extremely atomised society such as ours, where these close bonds are only ever seen as "normal" between romantic partners, they are tested and strain immensely under the weight of the pressures we are each made to indure without the support of a wider community.
advice, take it or leave it
As you enter this new stage in your life, I'd encourage you to read up a bit about queerplatonic partnerships. It's at least one potential direction for your life going forward. And even if you bounce off the ideas, I hope it would at least help you to start to see an outline of a future you're happier with.
My relationship with my partner also looks very different today than it did before. We're trying to live a life where we're two close by points in a wider network of support. We're having mixed results though to be honest, solidarity seems to be hard won these days.
However bad what happened was, I hope you will still hold within you the belief that you're worthy of being loved. It seems like you've grown a lot together, and even though your paths must diverge, I hope you will carry your love for them forward with you as you begin to rebuild your habits and routines. Stay strong out there