Spent the last two years basically wasted. Surprisingly have moved up a lot in my life in that time, something to be said about the functional alcoholic.

I'm making this post because I feel like fucking hell, and I'm tired and it's like every good feeling has been replaced by dog shit.

But I'm not like craving booze right now and so I guess I'm sort of not dependent on it at the moment. I've been active too, going to shows and parties and such. They've been dramatically less fun, but at least I'm not holed up and away from society like every other time I've tried to get off the sauce.

That's nifty.

Probably will have a drink sometime soon, whatever. Just nice to prove I don't actually HAVE to drink I guess.

  • Grandpa_garbagio [he/him]
    ·
    13 hours ago

    lol that's not too far from reasoning

    Main reasons for the sudden sobriety is

    1. I'm not getting what I want out of it and I feel dependent on it for bullshit reasons

    2. Vanity

    3. Bank account

    • SoylentSnake [he/him, they/them]
      ·
      13 hours ago

      all valid tbh, i don't even think about how much money i burn on this shit cuz its such a stable part of my ovewrhead but it's A Lot. plus sometimes im doing it just to do it and im not even having fun. but tbh a lot of the times i am having fun and im loving it, cant even use the "i dont even like this shit that much" aspect to cope. that last part goes in phases tho.

      • Grandpa_garbagio [he/him]
        ·
        13 hours ago

        yeah I kept running into the I'm not really having very much fun, I'm just sort of trashed for the hell of it wall a lot recently

        If I was having fun I doubt I'd even have really given this the attempt lol

        • SoylentSnake [he/him, they/them]
          ·
          13 hours ago

          yeah fair. for me, even when i'm not Having A Blast, i still find it to be a comfort around my loneliness-anxiety and evening sitting-around-in-my-apartment claustrophobia. idk, there's a very specific feeling i'm seeking to quell. hard to put it into words exactly. (in my megathread post just now and in other times past i've called it The Gnawing)

          • Grandpa_garbagio [he/him]
            ·
            13 hours ago

            I'm sitting here trying to word mine

            It's like I can only feel positive about something (or someone honestly) when striving for it. When I get "the thing" my mind warps it into something negative, because if i have something it cannot possibly be good.

            Booze allowed me some peace with this, but that has faded.

            • SoylentSnake [he/him, they/them]
              ·
              12 hours ago

              DAE desire is the root of all suffering?????? thinky-felix

              but i hear ya. i have a restless temperament like that, too. hard to be contented with the day-to-day, with what's right in front of my face and already in my life. don't have answers rn sadly, just commiseration