There are good comments here, but I would also like to add this: too many guys follow the “focus on school/yourself, not girls” advice with terrible outcomes.
The advice is not bad, just incomplete when given to others. Yes, passing your classes is important and so is improving yourself. But these things do not need to happen in a vacuum. Being successful in classes and spending less time on it often involves collaborating with others, and improving yourself - especially in the dating realm - involves socializing with others and maybe even asking people out. If you’re already alone and miserable, locking yourself away from everyone to “focus on math” or “focus on yourself” won’t do you any good.
You should strive to improve yourself and be content with yourself, but it’s a lifelong process. You’ll never reach 100%, and it’s pointless to “wait” until you do. Getting friends and relationships could give you more reason to improve yourself, and even if the relationship fails, you still have that progress and know you can do it again.
I’ve seen plenty of people who claim they’re perfectly happy waiting years, decades to “meet the right one” because they focused on school or improving their bodies and personalities. That’s awesome, but I’ve yet to meet this kind of person in real life. All the people who tell me to “just focus on school” or work first are extremely lonely and miserable. I don’t find their advice too valuable. If you’re dependent and clingy, then perhaps some alone time will help until you build enough confidence to look forward to something in life, but for everyone else, you will likely benefit from trying to form relationships as part of your progress to improving yourself or your self-image.
If you’re already alone and miserable, locking yourself away from everyone to “focus on math” or “focus on yourself” won’t do you any good.
Furthermore, people who rise up to higher positions or are at least well liked at work aren't necessarily "the best at their jobs" but are ones that get along with others. In fact I'd wager that most job interviews are really about seeing if you'll gel well with everyone else as opposed to your "ability" or "skills." So yeah only focusing on "math" or whatever will mean you're the lonely loser guy who nobody invites to lunch.
For sure. I’m only like 70% qualified for my current my current job. But I rehearsed my interview and got everyone to loosen up and they even told me they had a difficult time choosing between me and everyone else. It’s good to desire high competency at something or be perfectly content in life, but very few people can do that let alone do it alone. It’s not worth becoming the “tragic xyz” at the expense of your mental health and relationships
This is something I think I realized too late. I've made a lot of progress in my life in the past five years or so, but I honestly can't say I'm any more fulfilled than I was back then. Now I'm not in school and spend most of my time alone. I always hear people say "Oh go get a social hobby, go to bars, put yourself out there bro" but it's easier said than done. Most of the friendships I develop this way end up amounting to casual acquaintances at best. I have a few actual friends I made through work just by virtue of being around them constantly, but we still don't do that much stuff together. So I just never end up meeting that many new people on a regular basis. That's when I fall back to the apps, which suck for all the reasons everyone has described a billion times over.
It’s definitely a hard cycle to break. I’m graduating soon and it terrifies me - not because of adult responsibilities, but because I’ll likely never have the opportunities from school again. Sure, maybe college will not be “the best years of my life,” but it’s still a significant chunk of my life. I don’t want to begin living when I have to be worried about so many things. I have to start now, and if I fail, then hopefully I’ll be able to bring what I learn and experienced to form something better afterwards. I already hate being behind everyone socially, so I definitely don’t want to wait until I’m a full fledged adult and still mess up basic shit.
Good advice. If you struggle with dating like me, the last thing you want to do is take advice from someone who didn't struggle with dating and just kind of fell into a relationship. College is the absolutely best time to meet someone, you'll never be around as many young single available partners as in college. I figured that out way too late. Didn't have my first long term relationship until I was 38. I got super lucky, partner was also raised with the same mindset of focus on yourself/your career, etc.
There are good comments here, but I would also like to add this: too many guys follow the “focus on school/yourself, not girls” advice with terrible outcomes.
The advice is not bad, just incomplete when given to others. Yes, passing your classes is important and so is improving yourself. But these things do not need to happen in a vacuum. Being successful in classes and spending less time on it often involves collaborating with others, and improving yourself - especially in the dating realm - involves socializing with others and maybe even asking people out. If you’re already alone and miserable, locking yourself away from everyone to “focus on math” or “focus on yourself” won’t do you any good.
You should strive to improve yourself and be content with yourself, but it’s a lifelong process. You’ll never reach 100%, and it’s pointless to “wait” until you do. Getting friends and relationships could give you more reason to improve yourself, and even if the relationship fails, you still have that progress and know you can do it again.
I’ve seen plenty of people who claim they’re perfectly happy waiting years, decades to “meet the right one” because they focused on school or improving their bodies and personalities. That’s awesome, but I’ve yet to meet this kind of person in real life. All the people who tell me to “just focus on school” or work first are extremely lonely and miserable. I don’t find their advice too valuable. If you’re dependent and clingy, then perhaps some alone time will help until you build enough confidence to look forward to something in life, but for everyone else, you will likely benefit from trying to form relationships as part of your progress to improving yourself or your self-image.
Furthermore, people who rise up to higher positions or are at least well liked at work aren't necessarily "the best at their jobs" but are ones that get along with others. In fact I'd wager that most job interviews are really about seeing if you'll gel well with everyone else as opposed to your "ability" or "skills." So yeah only focusing on "math" or whatever will mean you're the lonely loser guy who nobody invites to lunch.
For sure. I’m only like 70% qualified for my current my current job. But I rehearsed my interview and got everyone to loosen up and they even told me they had a difficult time choosing between me and everyone else. It’s good to desire high competency at something or be perfectly content in life, but very few people can do that let alone do it alone. It’s not worth becoming the “tragic xyz” at the expense of your mental health and relationships
This is something I think I realized too late. I've made a lot of progress in my life in the past five years or so, but I honestly can't say I'm any more fulfilled than I was back then. Now I'm not in school and spend most of my time alone. I always hear people say "Oh go get a social hobby, go to bars, put yourself out there bro" but it's easier said than done. Most of the friendships I develop this way end up amounting to casual acquaintances at best. I have a few actual friends I made through work just by virtue of being around them constantly, but we still don't do that much stuff together. So I just never end up meeting that many new people on a regular basis. That's when I fall back to the apps, which suck for all the reasons everyone has described a billion times over.
It’s definitely a hard cycle to break. I’m graduating soon and it terrifies me - not because of adult responsibilities, but because I’ll likely never have the opportunities from school again. Sure, maybe college will not be “the best years of my life,” but it’s still a significant chunk of my life. I don’t want to begin living when I have to be worried about so many things. I have to start now, and if I fail, then hopefully I’ll be able to bring what I learn and experienced to form something better afterwards. I already hate being behind everyone socially, so I definitely don’t want to wait until I’m a full fledged adult and still mess up basic shit.
Good advice. If you struggle with dating like me, the last thing you want to do is take advice from someone who didn't struggle with dating and just kind of fell into a relationship. College is the absolutely best time to meet someone, you'll never be around as many young single available partners as in college. I figured that out way too late. Didn't have my first long term relationship until I was 38. I got super lucky, partner was also raised with the same mindset of focus on yourself/your career, etc.
love this one.