IDFK what the hell I am.
I believe communism can only be achieved through revolution, and that the proletariat will need to take over and control the state to protect itself from sabotage from capitalist interests at least until global communism is achieved and the infrastructure to support a worldwide mutualist society has been established, at which point the state could be dissolved.
I'm not a very good leftist, I don't even know what I am
You're an owl duh.
Also everyone who believes in liberating the entire working class together is a good leftist. Labels are helpful but they aren't everything. Some of the best leftists I know have never even heard of Marx and don't really understand capitalism, and yet when it comes to intersectional worker liberation they live it every day.