One last thought: I feel like I've spent most of my critiques here shitting on 2010s pop feminism, so let's do a little shitting on Andrew Tate types. One revelation that was already in the back of my head that I was finally able to voice is that Andrew Tate and his ilk also hate men. They hate women, of course, and they are evil for it, but they also despise men and their own fanbase. These guys are constantly telling their fans that they are "beta males" and other such lies. The entire patriarchal reaction to feminism has basically just been to hate men all the more, for not living up to patriarchal standards. The patriarchy has always been like this, but Andrew Tate and his slimy ilk have amplified these trends in recent years as a backlash to feminism. How many times have you seen ads directed at men about how they aren't good enough?

"The reality is that men are hurting and the whole culture responds to them by saying, 'Please do not tell us how you really feel'".

This stuck out to me more than perhaps anything else in the chapter. The online culture war over feminism sparked ugly, ugly trends, things like "I hate men" becoming popular on Twitter and "male tears" mugs. So often I've felt like I just have to accept that type of "feminism" but maybe I don't. Maybe I'm right to not just be angry, but also to be sad at how hurting men became part of online culture.

The other part of this chapter that stuck out to me was this idea of a "fetish" of a strong, cold, unfeeling man, and crucially, that this is desired by some women in a patriarchal culture. I use the word fetish here because it is similar I feel to racial fetishes or other unhealthy stereotypes that bring out desire for the image of a person but distaste for the person inside. It's the answer to the eternal question of why women "go after assholes". That question is rather sexist in itself, but the reality is that a fetish is built up within society by the patriarchal culture that glorifies this lifestyle, and people's brains are molded with that fetish. I don't know if "fetish" is the right term here, kinky sex is mostly fine, but it was the word that came to me first.

"The truth we do not tell is that men are longing for love"

That hits close to home for me.

the hardest hitting part for me was the part apart longing for a fathers love. i used ti work so hard to get his approval and nothing was never good enough bending my self backwards to try to get a fraction of the love my brother was freely given. looking for male love in romantic relationships that dont fill the emptiness.the part about how women (im not a women but you get it) reject men showing their emotions and that was something i had to work to get over frankly ive very rarely seen men cry in front of me at all. my partner has cried once in our entire relation ship i cry every other day. honestly i put so much of a burden on him by expecting him to manage my emotions but i dont always do the same for him and i feel bad about that. i think those were the two most meaningful parts to me. excited for chapter two.

Fear prevents us from love, bell says, and fear of men prevents love, and that fear often presents itself as hatred. See my other comment about the nastiness of early 2010s pop feminism.

Comrade Sen Comrade Parenti: the eternal battle with the microphone

Basically every word in this chapter hits. I can't just quote the entire book at you all but I thought I would mention that.

One idea that shocked me when I first heard it, so much that I was scared to even say it on here, was the idea that women also uphold patriarchy. How I wish this had been told to me in earlier classes on feminism!

"Our love helps, but is not enough" is such a compassionate and realistic approach to tackling patriarchy. Boys and men must also save themselves, but it is not done alone, nor is it done without the love of women.