Interesting example. I've never had a problem with trans pronouns, going back to 90s, but when NB folks started becoming visible, it took me aback. "I have to use a traditionally third party plural pronoun for an individual now?!"
So I had to stop myself, because I recognized I was being irrational, and apply the "who is being hurt if I do this test?" And the answer was "no one is hurt by me using traditionally third party plural pronouns for an individual who identifies as such". So I cheerfully use they/them if that's how someone identifies.
But it was a definite "wait, am I the bad guy here?" moment. And the answer is "yes, I am the bad guy". It did give me a shred of empathy for other older folks who don't understand how their treatment of others, which was so advanced at the time they began, now find themselves getting called out for previously acceptable behavior.
Like, one of my best friends in high school was gay AF. It wasn't easy for him, and even though I was, for the time, a good ally, you bet I still dropped the f** on him. It was wrong of me to do so, and of course I don't use that word anymore. I don't feel defensive about it; I did the best I could as a teenage cishet boy in the 90s. I'll do my best now, and if what's best changes in a decade, I'll do my best to change with it.
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Interesting example. I've never had a problem with trans pronouns, going back to 90s, but when NB folks started becoming visible, it took me aback. "I have to use a traditionally third party plural pronoun for an individual now?!"
So I had to stop myself, because I recognized I was being irrational, and apply the "who is being hurt if I do this test?" And the answer was "no one is hurt by me using traditionally third party plural pronouns for an individual who identifies as such". So I cheerfully use they/them if that's how someone identifies.
But it was a definite "wait, am I the bad guy here?" moment. And the answer is "yes, I am the bad guy". It did give me a shred of empathy for other older folks who don't understand how their treatment of others, which was so advanced at the time they began, now find themselves getting called out for previously acceptable behavior.
Like, one of my best friends in high school was gay AF. It wasn't easy for him, and even though I was, for the time, a good ally, you bet I still dropped the f** on him. It was wrong of me to do so, and of course I don't use that word anymore. I don't feel defensive about it; I did the best I could as a teenage cishet boy in the 90s. I'll do my best now, and if what's best changes in a decade, I'll do my best to change with it.
Sorry, this response got long.