Was I just stupid kid in the Midwest wrapped up in propaganda and a family history? How could I not fucking see what really was going on and what we do to the people of the countries we go to? Everything I wanted to be as a kid was based on fucking lies and the profits of the military industrial complex. What the fuck was the point of my deployments if not to oppress others? How can people fucking support these wars and invasions? In the name of protecting our freedoms while stripping away others? I fucking hate myself and wish I could take it away, but without it I wouldn’t be a communist and I wouldn’t have experience colonialism and imperialism first hand on the side of the oppressors. Fucking fuck.
that's how they get you innit, tell you you'll be the big man, the hero who saves the day and saves the world. not you're going to be the generic grunt bad guy who spends most his time doing monotonous tasks over and over just to prove they can follow orders
I was a tanker so all I did was train for combat and did the same monotonous tasks everyday. Whether in post, in Africa, or Kuwait. Sure I didn’t get into combat but I was an active part of the cog of imperialism and I still am reconciling with that fact.
and now you aren't, and that's what matters far more. lot of people done a lot of things they're not proud of, but letting go, growing past, and making up for that where needs be is more than possible and far healthier than holding onto that guilt
:heart-sickle:
I'm relieved that you didn't commit any war crimes, because just serving and being ashamed of it means you can wash yourself of it.