Once a year? idk. not something I'm the most comfortable with given that I'm AMAB and still perceived that way. With my cis male friends they'd think I was just weird/not get it or reciprocate, cis women I feel would think I was coming on to them, and with other trans people its more comfortable but still not habitual. The way I grew up I feel like saying I love you was sacrosanct and it was cloying to say it outside of deep into a LTR
I'm also affected a lot by toxic masculinity. I think one thing that's not pointed out as often is that older boys and men are not only not allowed to express their emotions outside of anger but also that they are not allowed to love unashamedly. Bell Hooks writes that men in a patriarchal society are seen as the dominator in the relationship (love for the patriarch is always assumed), therefore, to say "I love you" is tantamount to relinquishing that domination, even for just a moment.
I don't think I've said I love you to anyone for years and realizing that is shocking.
it is, isn't it? I had a really rough couple days recently and had a similar realization. I was able to say I love you to my friend who talked me through it all, and have it not be weird but even then I held onto a lot of tension about whether it would come off the wrong way or whatever, when there was really no chance of that, from both context and from our personal history.
I feel the exact same way you do on this. Not sure what to do about it. Mostly I'd just be worried about disrupting my friendships with women, but I can just be clear about my feelings and intentions and it should be no big.
(What good would my therapy if I can't tackle this, eh?)
I think saying it and then clarifying immediately that you mean it platonically, is probably still better than not saying it. Its awkward/embarassing but so what. Its more important to express that love than it is to avoid 5 seconds of awkwardness. And the next time you say it to that person they'll know your intentions already!
not nearly enough
Once a year? idk. not something I'm the most comfortable with given that I'm AMAB and still perceived that way. With my cis male friends they'd think I was just weird/not get it or reciprocate, cis women I feel would think I was coming on to them, and with other trans people its more comfortable but still not habitual. The way I grew up I feel like saying I love you was sacrosanct and it was cloying to say it outside of deep into a LTR
I'm also affected a lot by toxic masculinity. I think one thing that's not pointed out as often is that older boys and men are not only not allowed to express their emotions outside of anger but also that they are not allowed to love unashamedly. Bell Hooks writes that men in a patriarchal society are seen as the dominator in the relationship (love for the patriarch is always assumed), therefore, to say "I love you" is tantamount to relinquishing that domination, even for just a moment.
I don't think I've said I love you to anyone for years and realizing that is shocking.
it is, isn't it? I had a really rough couple days recently and had a similar realization. I was able to say I love you to my friend who talked me through it all, and have it not be weird but even then I held onto a lot of tension about whether it would come off the wrong way or whatever, when there was really no chance of that, from both context and from our personal history.
I feel the exact same way you do on this. Not sure what to do about it. Mostly I'd just be worried about disrupting my friendships with women, but I can just be clear about my feelings and intentions and it should be no big.
(What good would my therapy if I can't tackle this, eh?)
I think saying it and then clarifying immediately that you mean it platonically, is probably still better than not saying it. Its awkward/embarassing but so what. Its more important to express that love than it is to avoid 5 seconds of awkwardness. And the next time you say it to that person they'll know your intentions already!