Discord ERP in my chapo.chat? It's more likely than you think.
Obviously a 15-year-old can't consent to sex with a 31-year-old, and we should ban people who disagree. However, we cannot hold someone morally culpable for an action they were unaware of committing, unless they were deliberately closing their eyes to facts a reasonable person would have correctly interpreted. In situations where someone is reasonably deceived - you're 21 and drunk, they're 17 and snuck into a bar; you're one of the people Traci Lords gave a fake ID and birth certificate to - all we can clearly point to is the requirement that once you find out you have to take corrective action (stop what you're doing). Seems like OP wasn't reasonably deceived, but he's not gonna tell us that outright. The confusing narration may explain some takes you did not like. The first time I read it I thought they had only sexted, which makes a story of deception more believable. I had to read it twice to realize that they actually met up irl, which makes it hard to understand that OP didn't notice that "Jenny" was apparently (a) a pre-HRT trans boy in girlmode and presumably (b) acting like a high school sophomore's idea of a college freshman. BPD and/or impossible naïveté and/or lies.
In the realm of unambiguous knowing actions, kicking off an intense D/S romantic and sexual relationship with a much-younger person that you barely know seems dangerously indifferent to the risk of harming a young person. Still bad even if they turn out to be 19, you know? Agree with BeamBrain's rule of thumb: don't fuck people who look young enough you need to check their ID.
At the moment, I don't support bans for people who said stuff like "if what you said was true I'm sorry that happened". In fact you could read the /c/mentalhealth sidebar rule 8 as telling users not to be critical of people's sob stories. Maybe there's a way to change that while keeping it a safe space.
e: egg on my face, BeamBrain points out that statutory rape is generally strict liability. removed the mens rea stuff
Obviously a 15-year-old can't consent to sex with a 31-year-old, and we should ban people who disagree. However, we cannot hold someone morally culpable for an action they were unaware of committing,
There's also zero chance a 31 fucking year old wouldn't have an inkling that the 15 year old is underaged. OP probably was actively looking for college aged people (18-22) to date, and they fucked up. They fucked up by being the 30-something-year old in a crowd of young 20-something-year olds, and they really fucked up by hooking up with a goddamn teen who's young enough to be their nephew. This is why 30+ year old shouldn't be dating people who look like they're still in college because some of those people might not actually be college aged. They can try to do their due diligence and perform a serious background check, including but not limited to asking others to verify that person's age, or they can just say, "you know, instead of accidentally r-wording an underaged teen, how about I just don't date people who are under 25."
I would like to add a personal anecdote to this. I was at a house party and this beautiful girl started getting real comfortable with me. Like when I was rolling a spliff she was basically sitting shoulder to shoulder almost leaning on me and being pretty flirtatious, but I could tell she was probably at least 10 years younger than me, and while flattered I didn't reciprocate in anyway I was just chatting with the DJ about communist shit.
Anyway the next day I learned that this girl was fuckin 17. And no I had no way of knowing that specifically at the time, the vibe check was immediately failed. I cannot fathom any instance in which I "accidentally" hook up with a fucking teenager.
Yes the situation as they described sounds very fucked but honestly none of that matters. They should have known or at the very least been suspicious enough to enquire further.
Hell I even have had similar things happen with girls in their early twenties. If you're 15 years younger than me, I'm gonna fuckin know.
related minor tangent, this is why i fucking loathe the "power dynamics" jokes you see around here sometimes. the idea that someone can be in their 30s and have a healthy, normal romantic/sexual relationship with a teenager is beyond vile and i've seen people here make that claim and similar ones in the past with little pushback. cries of "but that's morality policing!" absolutely ring hollow because providing cover for this kind of shit is the alternative.
there is never an excuse for getting involved with someone that much younger than you, especially a teen. i was groomed by several different adults who 100% knew better and should have been shot for their interactions with me, no matter how much i may have wanted it at the time. a teenager isn't manipulating an adult into shit. "b-but i'm a gormless dipshit and they're a genius-level master of social interaction!!" you shouldn't have been in this position to begin with.it is still 100% your fault
the OP of that thread shouldn't have been shown sympathy, they should have been shown the fucking wall.
I thought the OP of the original thread was full of shit and purposely omitting details that so obviously points to an underage person, but it was posted in /c/mentalhealth, so I didn't know how to respond that isn't just saying "OP, you're full of shit lmao"
i'd bet my eyes on it. i'm still torn on whether or not OOP was sharing a real story or writing a fantasy with one hand down their pants or even just baiting the site with an incredibly volatile subject, but i am immensely disappointed in the responses in that thread. i understand the comm rules forbid calling bullshit. because of that i think the best response would have been none at all. no validation, no reassurances, no nothing. i don't give a shit how suicidal some pedo may have been about their crimes, they should have been shunned at the minimum.
It sounds an awful lot like bait, especially the gender identity reveal at the end. But of course you can't really call that out on the mental health comm.
Yeah that is why I was suspicious the whole thing may have been concocted (yes even their posts on their main account about the relationship). Feels like a really high effort attempt to bring heat on the site.
And as others have said I am deeply disappointed with the responses from some posters here.
while i do agree that a sterner response to the sympathizers in that thread would be ideal, my main concern here is that they felt inclined to sympathize in the first place, rather than how it looks to outsiders. i'm not going to name names or call anyone specifically out, but i seriously want those of you who chose to give a child rapist pats on the back to have a long, serious think about why you thought that was an acceptable response. then, fucking change.
Right. Like I said, he admits to the intentional bad act of a very large age gap relationship. That's bad primarily because even a 19-year-old is gonna be hurt by such a relationship, not because of the risk of committing statutory rape. I find it hard to believe that he met up with a 15-year-old without reasonably suspecting their age, but we don't even need to critically read OP's story to condemn his behavior.
Yeah I'm gonna be real here, that whole post sounded a bit contrived, I didn't want to jump in at the time because it felt like a sensitive subject I was not qualified to address being in a state of falling asleep and having drank a bit.
Something I think went unaddressed is that the OP subtly invoked "gay panic" when they included the totally unnecessary fact that this hypothetical underage person not only tricked them into illicit acts with a minor but that they also were "pretending" to be trans.
I didn't want to interrogate someone in the moment that might be going through a severe mental health crisis but with some sleep and sobriety behind me this whole thing looks more and more sus whether it happened or not.
I don't know exactly what if any of it happened but I can't shake the feeling OP is lying about all of it.
Of course this doesn't change the fact that some posters here responded in not great ways whether any of it was true or not.
op is the alt of a user who's posted on and off here for three years, i recognize some of the content and style from some posts that stood out to me about a month ago. it's not a one-off troll
Discord ERP in my chapo.chat? It's more likely than you think.
Obviously a 15-year-old can't consent to sex with a 31-year-old, and we should ban people who disagree. However, we cannot hold someone morally culpable for an action they were unaware of committing, unless they were deliberately closing their eyes to facts a reasonable person would have correctly interpreted. In situations where someone is reasonably deceived - you're 21 and drunk, they're 17 and snuck into a bar; you're one of the people Traci Lords gave a fake ID and birth certificate to - all we can clearly point to is the requirement that once you find out you have to take corrective action (stop what you're doing). Seems like OP wasn't reasonably deceived, but he's not gonna tell us that outright. The confusing narration may explain some takes you did not like. The first time I read it I thought they had only sexted, which makes a story of deception more believable. I had to read it twice to realize that they actually met up irl, which makes it hard to understand that OP didn't notice that "Jenny" was apparently (a) a pre-HRT trans boy in girlmode and presumably (b) acting like a high school sophomore's idea of a college freshman. BPD and/or impossible naïveté and/or lies.
In the realm of unambiguous knowing actions, kicking off an intense D/S romantic and sexual relationship with a much-younger person that you barely know seems dangerously indifferent to the risk of harming a young person. Still bad even if they turn out to be 19, you know? Agree with BeamBrain's rule of thumb: don't fuck people who look young enough you need to check their ID.
At the moment, I don't support bans for people who said stuff like "if what you said was true I'm sorry that happened". In fact you could read the /c/mentalhealth sidebar rule 8 as telling users not to be critical of people's sob stories. Maybe there's a way to change that while keeping it a safe space.
e: egg on my face, BeamBrain points out that statutory rape is generally strict liability. removed the mens rea stuff
There's also zero chance a 31 fucking year old wouldn't have an inkling that the 15 year old is underaged. OP probably was actively looking for college aged people (18-22) to date, and they fucked up. They fucked up by being the 30-something-year old in a crowd of young 20-something-year olds, and they really fucked up by hooking up with a goddamn teen who's young enough to be their nephew. This is why 30+ year old shouldn't be dating people who look like they're still in college because some of those people might not actually be college aged. They can try to do their due diligence and perform a serious background check, including but not limited to asking others to verify that person's age, or they can just say, "you know, instead of accidentally r-wording an underaged teen, how about I just don't date people who are under 25."
I would like to add a personal anecdote to this. I was at a house party and this beautiful girl started getting real comfortable with me. Like when I was rolling a spliff she was basically sitting shoulder to shoulder almost leaning on me and being pretty flirtatious, but I could tell she was probably at least 10 years younger than me, and while flattered I didn't reciprocate in anyway I was just chatting with the DJ about communist shit.
Anyway the next day I learned that this girl was fuckin 17. And no I had no way of knowing that specifically at the time, the vibe check was immediately failed. I cannot fathom any instance in which I "accidentally" hook up with a fucking teenager.
Yes the situation as they described sounds very fucked but honestly none of that matters. They should have known or at the very least been suspicious enough to enquire further.
Hell I even have had similar things happen with girls in their early twenties. If you're 15 years younger than me, I'm gonna fuckin know.
related minor tangent, this is why i fucking loathe the "power dynamics" jokes you see around here sometimes. the idea that someone can be in their 30s and have a healthy, normal romantic/sexual relationship with a teenager is beyond vile and i've seen people here make that claim and similar ones in the past with little pushback. cries of "but that's morality policing!" absolutely ring hollow because providing cover for this kind of shit is the alternative.
there is never an excuse for getting involved with someone that much younger than you, especially a teen. i was groomed by several different adults who 100% knew better and should have been shot for their interactions with me, no matter how much i may have wanted it at the time. a teenager isn't manipulating an adult into shit. "b-but i'm a gormless dipshit and they're a genius-level master of social interaction!!" you shouldn't have been in this position to begin with. it is still 100% your fault
the OP of that thread shouldn't have been shown sympathy, they should have been shown the fucking wall.
I thought the OP of the original thread was full of shit and purposely omitting details that so obviously points to an underage person, but it was posted in /c/mentalhealth, so I didn't know how to respond that isn't just saying "OP, you're full of shit lmao"
i'd bet my eyes on it. i'm still torn on whether or not OOP was sharing a real story or writing a fantasy with one hand down their pants or even just baiting the site with an incredibly volatile subject, but i am immensely disappointed in the responses in that thread. i understand the comm rules forbid calling bullshit. because of that i think the best response would have been none at all. no validation, no reassurances, no nothing. i don't give a shit how suicidal some pedo may have been about their crimes, they should have been shunned at the minimum.
It sounds an awful lot like bait, especially the gender identity reveal at the end. But of course you can't really call that out on the mental health comm.
Yeah that is why I was suspicious the whole thing may have been concocted (yes even their posts on their main account about the relationship). Feels like a really high effort attempt to bring heat on the site.
And as others have said I am deeply disappointed with the responses from some posters here.
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while i do agree that a sterner response to the sympathizers in that thread would be ideal, my main concern here is that they felt inclined to sympathize in the first place, rather than how it looks to outsiders. i'm not going to name names or call anyone specifically out, but i seriously want those of you who chose to give a child rapist pats on the back to have a long, serious think about why you thought that was an acceptable response. then, fucking change.
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Right. Like I said, he admits to the intentional bad act of a very large age gap relationship. That's bad primarily because even a 19-year-old is gonna be hurt by such a relationship, not because of the risk of committing statutory rape. I find it hard to believe that he met up with a 15-year-old without reasonably suspecting their age, but we don't even need to critically read OP's story to condemn his behavior.
Yeah I'm gonna be real here, that whole post sounded a bit contrived, I didn't want to jump in at the time because it felt like a sensitive subject I was not qualified to address being in a state of falling asleep and having drank a bit.
Something I think went unaddressed is that the OP subtly invoked "gay panic" when they included the totally unnecessary fact that this hypothetical underage person not only tricked them into illicit acts with a minor but that they also were "pretending" to be trans.
I didn't want to interrogate someone in the moment that might be going through a severe mental health crisis but with some sleep and sobriety behind me this whole thing looks more and more sus whether it happened or not.
I don't know exactly what if any of it happened but I can't shake the feeling OP is lying about all of it.
Of course this doesn't change the fact that some posters here responded in not great ways whether any of it was true or not.
it's real, in the sense that a real person wrote it believing it to be true. they've posted about the relationship for months on their main account
What's his main account? Should probably let the admins know so they can ban him
i'll send it to an admin if they ask, i don't want to accidentally compromise opsec by connecting a user's personal stories publicly
I knew the story sounded familiar, but I don't remember how said it.
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op is the alt of a user who's posted on and off here for three years, i recognize some of the content and style from some posts that stood out to me about a month ago. it's not a one-off troll
it's pretty distressing how op repeatedly emphasized how they were doing very hardcore kink, with bold and everything.