I had a rough time being isolated for several months on end, especially near the end where I was possibly a hair away from a legitimate nervous breakdown. Even though things have been largely "back to normal" for me since mid-late April, I feel like the effects are still lingering and that I get anxious/depressed more easily than I did before.
I got annihilated. 2019 ended like shit, at around mid year my gf left me in an insanely cruel way... and from then on everything was on freefall. In october I got fired from my job and I had to seek help because my mind was going insane, which to be honest that helped me but then the pandemic hit and we were all forced into lockdown, my social anxiety fired up again as I barely got outside home. I can't find a job, even now, because I'm fucking terrified of everything. Whatever progress I made it's gone, nada, poof.
Life fucking sucks, even more when people around you are doing things and you can't. Hell, I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore... I can't even feel genuine happiness either, like a week ago I finished my finals with excellent scores and I didn't even smile, it was painful as fuck and it was not even rewarding - I don't even know if I want to continue studying either.., for what? If this society doesn't want historians, "Should have studied Marketing honey".. eat my dick.
Shit's hella dark these days and I feel it crushing me every day...
I feel you man. Though in my case it existed pre pandemic and weirdly the pandemic didn't make it worse but I was also self medicating with benzos so that's a whole other can of worms. But ya the moment you realize you haven't felt actual happiness or pleasure in close to a decade really breaks you down. Even when you achieve big accomplishments or my usually shitty sports teams do well or even when I got fucking married I feel the rememberance of what used to be joy but it feels so hollow and empty and fades so damn quick. The way the pandemic has fucked with me though is despite already despising people as a general rule due to their shittyness it's forced me to actually see and deal with it so I couldn't make up some copium about "I just hate people because I'm depressed". Now it's blatantly clear that I hate people because people are complete shit.