I want a brain transplant

same homie. My only solution has been drugs and alcohol cuz they give my brain something else to deal with. Please dont do this. I feel like shit cuz I cant accept "greyzones".

You're aware of it, which is ass I know, but imo its better to be aware than not. Try to be comfortable with mistakes, that might help you made decisions easier, but thats way easier said than done. I understand though, we just gotta keep trying, its all you can do