Have any queer vibes to share? Here's your place! 
Talk about what’s happening queerly in your life - like coming out, getting HRT, questioning, and all that good stuff.
No cishets allowed! 
back to posting on Fridays! i hope everyone is doing well
it's been a gay week for me which has been nice
I've had some money left over thanks to the holidays and ordered some goth gf outfits. To absolutely nobody's surprise, this has given me several new clothing kinks.
Similar thing happened to my wife when I got some leather military boots (I'm also a goth) lol
Just when I thought I had gender shit all figured out life throws me for a loop
I've loved every single change from HRT so far and I love looking a lot more feminine but the longer I'm on HRT the less I feel like I want to/need to be a woman. I just want to be "me" if that makes sense, like why do I have to fit into some box and be that, I just want to be myself and not fit into some other category. I mean if a stranger is going to gender me I'd much much rather them see me as a girl than a guy but like why do I have to be either? I still like going by she/her though, and I don't want to be gender neutral / agender, I just like want to be my own thing
Idk maybe I won't feel this way and I'll be back to feeling binary in a couple days. My opinions shift wildly all over the place, the only thing I know for certain and has never changed is that I don't want to be a man, but what I actually do want to be changes
This totally just sounds like you're focusing less on the gender aspect and more on your personal growth because you're starting to accept and see yourself as a woman and thus it's a goal you've already achieved and can let go of
I feel that a lot in recent months. Many people do. "I round my gender to female when i'm around cis people" is something that gets said a lot among my friends, and it just fits the way we do gender. My transition goals are still the same, my pronouns are still she / her, the correct way to adress me in a formal setting is Mrs. Smiley and so on and so on, but now that i've gotten more confident in my new life, now that dysphoria has become this manageable thing that may actually be gone in a year or two, now that the circles i run in become more and more queer and nonbinary ... this whole "man'" and "woman" thing seems like such a scam. What is a woman? It's made-up bs. If i have to fit in one of these two boxes, yeah, it's the girl one, no doubt about that, but it makes no sense that these boxes are standing there in the first place and i just want to set them on fire and replace them with some occult scribbles on the ground.
Having company over today. Had another moment of feeling my,,, shall we say strained relationship with tme people.
somewhat unpleasant discussion
My partner (afab) has a pretty complicated relationship with their gender and apparently they had actually been on testosterone for a time period until they were forced to stop. They have resolved to not go back on testosterone which is honestly a relief for me, unfortunately enough. I'm trying to interrogate my reaction to this a bit. I didn't tell him outright that I didn't particularly want him to go on T, which I probably should from a perspective of Communication Equals Good. Like the thing is if my partner did go on T it would probably be fine but I've internalized a lot of mistrust towards tme people, and like the last trans man I knew was kinda spearheading the transmysogynistic hate campaign against me. Lol this kinda sucks. I don't even think I have anything that I'm particularly upset about with the hypothetical of my partner going on testosterone. It's either 'the idea itself is unsettling' or the 'prospect of dating a Man is unsettling.' Hm yeah I'm definetly gonna have to talk about this with the partner. Tis a bit of a shame since I just bought plane tickets for them to visit me but hey.
p.s.
I used to identify as bisexual, then I dropped the label and just went around without one, then started IDing as a lesbian after I got abused by some tme people. I've definetly been attracted to some men before but like it's always been way more women. I'm lowkey a political lesbian realistically and Oops I guess I'll admit it on this site and yeah it's a whole lot of a mess for me lol
omfg i just had to google what tme means and jfc is the entire discourse around that term fucked and full of reflexive attempts to reconstruct the failing gender binary. To make matters worse, i looked into a reddit thread on the subject and realized that in the few months off that heelsite, i had lost all sense of scale for how smug and insufferable redditors are and how confident they can be a in their knowledge of a subject they know less than nothing about. I mean, i had remembered that i hate these dweebs, but i had literally forgotten how capable that site is of bringing out the absolute worst in people. Fuck that place. Anyway:
I'm lowkey a political lesbian realistically
Mood, but how does that have anything to do with somebody being on testosterone or not? I was on testosterone up until a little over a year ago, that didn't make me a man in any way. My FWB is pre HRT, i have not once struggled to see her as a woman, and there hasn't been a single moment in the three months that we've been playdating were i thought "she treats me like a man does" or "she's acting like a dude rn". Not once. And i should know what i'm talking about, i've dated enough men in the past, i've seen enough straight relationships and gay male relationships to know how guys can act both when they're at their best and when they're at their worst. And that's not how my gal pal or any other pre HRT transfem i've ever met act. Yes, i'm certain her moods and some of her behaviors will change once she can go on E, i know how much the stuff does and how it affects our psychology, but it will not make her a different person, she'll just be the same wonderful, compassionate, elegant, kind and cute catgirl she is already, but happier with herself.
And when your partner has had such a complicated relationship with gender and with being on T, why'd you assume that having been on T in the past is a problem in any way? T isn't this magic juice that completely controls your behavior, that's bioessentialist, biodeterminist bs and you should confront and challenge such ideas if you carry them around with you.
noo i cant even imagine what the galaxy brains at reddit have to say about transmisogyny...
Mood, but how does that have anything to do with somebody being on testosterone or not?
yeah it really shouldnt, youre pretty right about that
why'd you assume that having been on T in the past is a problem in any way?
ah i dont think my partner having been on T is a problem, the thing that was giving me unsettling feelings is the idea that they might go back on t, which is ofc the problem here. honestly typing this now (and I guess after reading what you said) the idea doesn't seem to be as big of a problem in my mind, so thanks for helping me air things out
noo i cant even imagine what the galaxy brains at reddit have to say about transmisogyny...
As with most things on reddit, you're better off not knowing.
I'm lowkey a political lesbian realistically and Oops
Your identity is entirely valid, regardless of whether or not it is a result of abuse, partly or entirely. If you swear off dating men permanently due to abuse and are attracted to women, you're a lesbian in my books
Thinking about using the name Rye
Pros:
- basically a shortened version of my given name, so easy for people to adapt to
- would share a name with Rye from Octavia Butler's Speech Sounds
- rye is a goated grain imo. Marbled rye slaps
Cons
- my ex-step-siblings (god what an awkward phrasing) used to call me Rye Bread as a nickname and I don't like being reminded of them
The more I think on it the more that con gets to me. Aghh
I think Rye is a great name, but if you want a similar name with less baggage maybe Rylee?
hrm i dunno. maybe riley... I also might just stick with my given name, apparently it's become increasingly gender neutral in the past couple of decades
names are hard
Yea, names are really hard; for me I want to change my name, but I have a lot of good memories associated with my current name so I’m kind of hesitant to do anything about it. 😐😐😐
I don't really like "Rye" either due to the connotation with the bread
But what about "Rai"? I love that
my brain immediately goes to darkrai and idk if i could take myself seriously having a name that close to the nightmare pokemon
Im gonna start injections next week! I've heard from quite a few people that they had really good results when the switched from pills. Also, it will be way easier to do one shot in a week than 3 pills in a day. Also also, it gives me a lot more control over the whole process. If I want to take more than I'm prescribed, I can do that.
I guess this is a queer thing that happened in my life: my ex came over yesterday to hang out. I was really happy about that because I really want us to still be friends, and I really care about her, even if we aren't together anymore. But then we ended up having sex. IDK what to think now. Like maybe we could just be friends who have sex sometimes, that doesn't seem so bad. But that might be cope. Also, I don't think she can really do a casual relationship like that even if I can. We could get back together maybe, but I'm not sure that we've solved the problems that made us decide to be friends in the first place.
All that plus injections feel extra bio-hacker 😎, excited for you and hoping to get them soon myself
I did patches after pills cause the pills were a pain in the ass to do. Now the patches are a pain in the ass, I'll probably do injection.
Talking to my Dr. on the 26th about HRT; I'm so excited to start!
i've been exploring being openly sexual both creatively and personally and it's actually pretty nice. it feels like i've released a valve but instead of an uncontrollable geyser it's more like a tap i can control thanks to a combination of hormones and what i assume is maturity? who knows
also, kicked up my estrogen to 4mg a day and my fucking boobs hurt now. let's go
Today a comrade in a bar asked me after my pronouns, because he thought that I was a girl(very flattering) but wasn't sure. Sadly I chickened out and said he/him. Next time.
It was in public with some other friends I didn't have the chance to come out to yet. Very affirming moment nontheless.
The comrade is from Russia, and in his own words not very well educated on queer topics, so he tries to be careful and polite. He was wearing a red CCCP jacket.
CW dysphoria
Comparing myself to women: I am the most hideous horrible ogre goblin to ever live. I am shaped like a brick, have the body hair of a sasquatch, and will always look male.
Comparing myself to men: holy shit, I am actually so feminine. It's absurd to think I could ever be considered as man.
Why can't I just be nonbinary and be ok with being an abomination of gender, neither truly masculine or feminine?(half joking here)
I feel exactly like this sometimes. Like I'm pretty much nonbinary in a lot of ways, but not really by choice. I'd rather be a very average and unremarkable woman.
I mean maybe it's helpful to o focus more on how you're so different than men now? When I'm around male friends I look 5-10 years younger than then and a lot cuter, even if I'm not really looking like a woman.
I also hope that this will get better over time. A person's sex hormones never stop changing them. So you're basically putting your body on a different development timeline than men. You age differently, and the longer you take them the wider the gap is. So like eventually I'll hopefully be so different than any man and enough like a woman that it will be easier for me to see it.
CW dysphoria
Why do I feel gender dysphoria at the fact I'll never be mentally ill in school and be in toxic relationships as a girl
doing good things for myself like running again, cooking dinner, and finally getting new eyeliner. hell yeah
