Now everyone in my gender has experienced some rapey asshole using sex positivity as an excuse for their behaviour, and accusing anyone of rejecting their advances of prudish conservatism. “That’s not very progressive of you” being a line I have specifically heard from someone who would not leave me the fuck alone.
This has happened some with "kink culture" too, almost any woman can tell you about some man she started dating just suddenly trying to choke/insult/spit during sex without any warning.
And there's a real big issue with "Doms" who really are just abusive and controlling men who want a 1950's sex slave, not just some roleplay.
man she started dating just suddenly trying to choke/insult/spit during sex without any warning
Too many times. If you don't get consent for your kinks before doing them to someone, then what you did wasn't consensual. It's waaaay better to get consent before the pants come off in case that is a trigger for your partner. I've had men ask "can I choke you?" mid thrust and been able to enthusiastically say yes, but I'm also like that and told them that was cool earlier.
Like it's good to be open minded, but to have an open mind someone has to fucking talk to you first.
Also during sex kind of blurs lines of consent. A stronger bigger man has you naked and vulnerable. The idea that a real consent can exist in a situation like this is pretty weak. Sexual boundaries should be done in a fair safe and neutral location where all members feel they are fully free to leave without any possibility of backlash or violence.
Elsewise you risk issues with people saying yes, but only because they don't want you to go even further past that.
Yeah, I agree. I hesitated about including that even though I told him we could both ask as we went. I also already trusted him. It probably isn't a good idea for most women.
This has happened some with "kink culture" too, almost any woman can tell you about some man she started dating just suddenly trying to choke/insult/spit during sex without any warning.
And there's a real big issue with "Doms" who really are just abusive and controlling men who want a 1950's sex slave, not just some roleplay.
Too many times. If you don't get consent for your kinks before doing them to someone, then what you did wasn't consensual. It's waaaay better to get consent before the pants come off in case that is a trigger for your partner. I've had men ask "can I choke you?" mid thrust and been able to enthusiastically say yes, but I'm also like that and told them that was cool earlier.
Like it's good to be open minded, but to have an open mind someone has to fucking talk to you first.
Also during sex kind of blurs lines of consent. A stronger bigger man has you naked and vulnerable. The idea that a real consent can exist in a situation like this is pretty weak. Sexual boundaries should be done in a fair safe and neutral location where all members feel they are fully free to leave without any possibility of backlash or violence.
Elsewise you risk issues with people saying yes, but only because they don't want you to go even further past that.
Yeah, I agree. I hesitated about including that even though I told him we could both ask as we went. I also already trusted him. It probably isn't a good idea for most women.