stuff like this makes it hella exhausting to be black. like even when other groups are asserting themselves, it often has to be at the expense of black people. bots or no bots, there's a lot of anti blackness in the asian community that makes it hard to discern whose doing the whole "stormfront posing as asian person bot" thing or who is actually an asian person who hates black people. it made it very hard to engage with the stop asian hate stuff earlier this year (although i support i obviously, by engage i mean read the news and thinkpeices) because even if an article/ news report is mature and not anti black or simply nuetral, the comment section is always nuked by bots or by actual anti black asians.

these articles really had me feeling like i was the worst person in the world as a black person and that black people are inherently violent but i understood the fear, and was genuinely trying to be aware of how my black body interacted with asian people in public, like not getting to close to them/ doing stuff that can make anyone traveling alone in a vulnerable time feel uncomfortable. (obviously im always respectful and always subject myself to hyper awareness that has to do with me being black period and white supremacy). i still wish that there was a way in which i didnt have to yet again control my body and be fearful of some carceral backlash

Im still happy for the history i learned from this past march (i think reading historcial accounts or watching docs was a good way to educate myself without dealing with anti blackness) and its definitely allowed me to recognize and push against anti asian racism i see. I just wish the whole convo was handled better and i kinda sympathize with black people who were turned off by the anti blackness shown and understand now why there seems to be even more emphasis on how poc solidarity kinda cant exist ---but those black people should also lean into the discomfort (maybe???) and regardless should already be making an effort to be against anti asian racism because no discomfort excuses bigotry

anyway i understand that i am centering myself in this convo and recognize this might not be the place