If you have to have a fucking lawn, I'm a fan of invasive species that will out-compete all of the exotic bullshit grasses (Bermuda, fescue, Kentucky bluegrass, etc.) that people plant in their yards and require constant treatment and fertilizing to keep alive. Depending on where you live, buffalograss might be an option. It doesn't grow very tall -- something like 4 inches before it curls over on itself, typically -- and once it is established, it is extremely drought-resistant and shouldn't even need watering. It also spreads fairly aggressively, so before long, your neighbors will have buffalograss spreading into their precious lawns.

It's a bitch to grow from seeds, though. Supposedly pre-soaking them for a few days is supposed to help.