I move like I don't have a physical body. As a result, I bump into things a lot and trip. I try to go through objects like a ghost, sometimes fully expecting it'll work. Like a bee trying to leave a closed window. It happens most when I'm doing chores.

I grew up rushing to take care of my abusive family every second of my childhood, and was made to feel my self care had no significance. Even if the care is as small as taking a moment to see if something is in the way, so I don't bump into it. Like a corner while I'm rounding a corner. And even if I notice something's in my way, I will try to crash through it repeatedly before the throbbing of resulting pain reminds me to move it out my way first. The throbbing has to grow intense enough too. I might accidentally hit my head on an object 10 times in less than an hour before I watch my head. (TW: domestic violence) This is probably because my family beat me daily and I dissociate from physical pain.

Examples of things I've been told that help me understand my physical presence:

  • This might sound weird, but "pretend" you have a body. This way you act like you have one.

  • What are some things in your room? How big are they? What's the biggest thing in your room? How big is it? All those things thake up physical space. Just like those things, you take up physical space.

  • tamagotchicowboy [he/him]
    ·
    6 months ago

    The wanting to phase through objects and the connection to trauma makes me think of various dissociation spectrum-states, not saying that's what it is, just makes me think of that. Take it easy on yourself regardless, trauma's effect on the body is 100% real shit.

    Small sports may help, coordinated exercise or dance in front of a reflective surface very, very far away so you don't run into it might help too. Can use reflective stickers and stick that on a wall or stick them onto a poster board stuck onto a wall somewhere and then track your movements safely from the other side of the room if you lack a reflective surface, then get slowly closer when as you feel comfortable.