So before I came out, I was in a straight-appearing relationship, with dynamics that were unconsciously just queer enough that we often lightly made fun of our more traditional straight couple friends, like literally "are the straights ok?" type stuff (we still thought we were straight though, somehow).

EVEN SO it was so much more stifling than any of my relationships after I came out. The expectations are constant and unrelenting until you get to a place where there's no possible way anyone can read you as cishet, and even then cishets are so oblivious you have to outright tell them