well, you made me revisit my reason for using that language. The reason I used it was that I've seen instances where a (usually hetero) couple goes poly, and one partner will essentially stop sexually desiring the other.

Whether this cessation of sexual desire was there to begin with and was the original motivation for the polyamory in the first place, or whether it developed naturally after going poly, is an open question. If the former, I think it qualifies as "selfish". If the latter, then it can't be helped and too bad

But yea I guess it was harsh and not super accurate language. But I really doubt that there are zero couples who fit that first type

again this isn't a criticism of polyamory as every other arrangement has its own problems too