Legitimate question because this post is about me. What is the goal of this? Do people expect you to message and plan to meet up via Instagram DMs instead of texting? I have never had social media so I don't understand how people my age are using it to create new IRL connections. Can I make an empty Instagram account and have that be sufficient, or are these people hoping to suss me out or get to know me through viewing my posts before trying to hang out again?
so they can judge you and decide if they consider you a loser or if you are worth their time. Your social media should be an entirely shallow and falsified depiction of your life for best effect.
It's purely to give people a way to look at you without you being there. People I've dated want the insta to show their friends and learn more about you. Co-workers and acquaintances use it to connect through shared interests, confirming things you say you're about or whatever. (Musician doing music, travel nerd taking trips everywhere, etc.)
I've had bosses use it purely bc they want to cultivate a certain kind of person at the workspace and that's the filter they used.
I would just make a super basic acc you don't post a lot on that has some old pictures. People I know who aren't social media people do this in the city. It's one of those things now that you just need like a smartphone and internet access. Millennials in particular seem to be neutral to positive toward it since it's really just you and your friends' shit unlike FB and Snap.
I only use social media bc dating is impossible without it :shrug-outta-hecks:
" Earth. Even the word sounded strange to me now... unfamiliar. How long had I been gone? How long had I been back? Did it matter? I tried to find the rhythm of the world where I used to live. I followed the current. I was silent, attentive, I made a conscious effort to smile, nod, stand, and perform the millions of gestures that constitute life on earth. I studied these gestures until they became reflexes again. But I was haunted by the idea that I remembered her wrong, and somehow I was wrong about everything. "
Thank you, this is exactly the sort of information I needed. I really don't want to maintain an online presence at all but I definitely was getting the sense (in the Before Times when I was actually meeting new people regularly) that not having social media to hand out was making people side-eye me or hampering my ability to connect with them.
People you would have previously met once and never talked to again, you can now stay in touch with without needing to remember to get ahold of them. Their stuff will just show up in your feed
You can get to know someone gradually rather than all at once. Meeting someone at a party, talking for 10 minutes, and immediately giving out a personal cell number or email is a big leap. You have more control over socials
Vibe check, especially when dating. Lots of manipulative people say they don’t have social media because they’re trying to hide red flags from potential partners.
Convenience. If someone spends most of their time on Instagram, having someone close to them who’s mostly on Twitter makes it a lot of extra effort (relatively speaking) to stay in contact with them.
Branding. Especially in the US, we are expected to find a stereotype that we identify with and then lean into it. You’re supposed to make the image of yourself easy to consume and understand. In a lot of tech bro circles, this is done consciously to retain a “brand” as a worker
And all of this is by design to an extent. People were creating ways to sync your Twitter, Facebook, etc, in the early days so that your connections could carry over, but the companies wanted exclusivity because you can’t control and centralize attention if you don’t have complete information about that attention.
When you have the urge to share something and have a behavior pattern that’s been crafted and reinforced by your platform of choice, that urge makes you want to get on that platform and share it with “your friends”. Prior to that, you might have thought of specific friends who would like it and share it with them personally. Now the platform is the middle man. So whether or not your friends keep you in the forefront of their memory is determined by the algorithm and if you aren’t in the pool of their friends list, people will just forget that you haven’t shared a bunch of their experiences with them. Because the platform tells them that the link or post has been shared with “their friends” and if the fact that you’re exempt from that list isn’t on their mind, they won’t even think about it
I'm really kind of surprised at the reaction you're getting to this, because as much as I don't like or use most social medias (only snapchat), I genuinely don't think people are being anywhere near as shallow as people in the replies are saying. Maybe it's because I'm probably a little younger than the average user of this site, but in my experience you nailed it in the question:
Do people expect you to message and plan to meet up via Instagram DMs instead of texting?
Yes. I can't speak for instagram, but certainly on other platforms, in my circles at least. I've been at university for 3 years and I don't have the phone numbers of any of the friends I've made here - don't get me wrong, we text pretty frequently, but just on snapchat or discord. Literally all of the numbers in my contacts are either for people whom you can't realistically message another way, like the electrician, the vet, your grandma, etc, or for friends I know from years ago before any sort of instant messaging became a widespread thing.
I don't really know why this is what people do, but it is. Personally I like it, because I live in a very rural area most of the year and usually can't receive texts, but I know that's not most people's reasoning. Maybe its that texting costs money whereas messaging doesn't? But yeah, never in my life have I met someone new, added them online, and then trawled through their profile to see what shady shit they're doing - I just want to get messaged or added to the groupchat so I know when events are happening.
Eh i mean it can be a nice way to connect with people. You see them post about something you also enjoy, but didn't know they do, now you have an excuse to talk. Once I was talking to someone and then they posted a story of them reading Imperialism,. And although it's rare, sometimes it can give off red flags. Like oh, you shared a donaldtrumpjr post... Goodbye.
But obviously I'm not trying to say It's always a good thing to be on social media. Social media has so many ill effects on our society, and it kinda sucks that we're letting corporations control who we even see as people in this case, but yea
Even after reading these responses I'm still feeling torn about setting up an account. I wish it wasn't the case but I just feel so uncomfortable about having to publicly maintain an idealized image of my life and interests, just to prove I'm normal.
I'm not making one and no one can force me to be honest. WhatsApp has replaced sms in my country basically, people that care can contact me there. Maybe see a status once in a while. But I'm not putting in more effort than that, feels dystopian to artificially maintain some profile to prove that you're "normal" tbh.
Dunno if that's too :a-guy: but whatever at this point. People that want to contact me can, I'll give anyone irl that's interested in remaining in contact my number and/or whatsapp, I'm not going to bullshit on Instagram or snap.
Legitimate question because this post is about me. What is the goal of this? Do people expect you to message and plan to meet up via Instagram DMs instead of texting? I have never had social media so I don't understand how people my age are using it to create new IRL connections. Can I make an empty Instagram account and have that be sufficient, or are these people hoping to suss me out or get to know me through viewing my posts before trying to hang out again?
so they can judge you and decide if they consider you a loser or if you are worth their time. Your social media should be an entirely shallow and falsified depiction of your life for best effect.
It's purely to give people a way to look at you without you being there. People I've dated want the insta to show their friends and learn more about you. Co-workers and acquaintances use it to connect through shared interests, confirming things you say you're about or whatever. (Musician doing music, travel nerd taking trips everywhere, etc.)
I've had bosses use it purely bc they want to cultivate a certain kind of person at the workspace and that's the filter they used.
I would just make a super basic acc you don't post a lot on that has some old pictures. People I know who aren't social media people do this in the city. It's one of those things now that you just need like a smartphone and internet access. Millennials in particular seem to be neutral to positive toward it since it's really just you and your friends' shit unlike FB and Snap.
I only use social media bc dating is impossible without it :shrug-outta-hecks:
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“I have nothing to hide”
“Give me your social security number and the routing number of your checking account”
I hate posting my face online because Clearview AI scares me.
Also feels like I'd be making a profile as much for other people as advertisers.
You are
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" Earth. Even the word sounded strange to me now... unfamiliar. How long had I been gone? How long had I been back? Did it matter? I tried to find the rhythm of the world where I used to live. I followed the current. I was silent, attentive, I made a conscious effort to smile, nod, stand, and perform the millions of gestures that constitute life on earth. I studied these gestures until they became reflexes again. But I was haunted by the idea that I remembered her wrong, and somehow I was wrong about everything. "
Thank you, this is exactly the sort of information I needed. I really don't want to maintain an online presence at all but I definitely was getting the sense (in the Before Times when I was actually meeting new people regularly) that not having social media to hand out was making people side-eye me or hampering my ability to connect with them.
Social media serves a bunch of purposes here:
And all of this is by design to an extent. People were creating ways to sync your Twitter, Facebook, etc, in the early days so that your connections could carry over, but the companies wanted exclusivity because you can’t control and centralize attention if you don’t have complete information about that attention.
When you have the urge to share something and have a behavior pattern that’s been crafted and reinforced by your platform of choice, that urge makes you want to get on that platform and share it with “your friends”. Prior to that, you might have thought of specific friends who would like it and share it with them personally. Now the platform is the middle man. So whether or not your friends keep you in the forefront of their memory is determined by the algorithm and if you aren’t in the pool of their friends list, people will just forget that you haven’t shared a bunch of their experiences with them. Because the platform tells them that the link or post has been shared with “their friends” and if the fact that you’re exempt from that list isn’t on their mind, they won’t even think about it
I'm really kind of surprised at the reaction you're getting to this, because as much as I don't like or use most social medias (only snapchat), I genuinely don't think people are being anywhere near as shallow as people in the replies are saying. Maybe it's because I'm probably a little younger than the average user of this site, but in my experience you nailed it in the question:
Yes. I can't speak for instagram, but certainly on other platforms, in my circles at least. I've been at university for 3 years and I don't have the phone numbers of any of the friends I've made here - don't get me wrong, we text pretty frequently, but just on snapchat or discord. Literally all of the numbers in my contacts are either for people whom you can't realistically message another way, like the electrician, the vet, your grandma, etc, or for friends I know from years ago before any sort of instant messaging became a widespread thing.
I don't really know why this is what people do, but it is. Personally I like it, because I live in a very rural area most of the year and usually can't receive texts, but I know that's not most people's reasoning. Maybe its that texting costs money whereas messaging doesn't? But yeah, never in my life have I met someone new, added them online, and then trawled through their profile to see what shady shit they're doing - I just want to get messaged or added to the groupchat so I know when events are happening.
Eh i mean it can be a nice way to connect with people. You see them post about something you also enjoy, but didn't know they do, now you have an excuse to talk. Once I was talking to someone and then they posted a story of them reading Imperialism,. And although it's rare, sometimes it can give off red flags. Like oh, you shared a donaldtrumpjr post... Goodbye.
But obviously I'm not trying to say It's always a good thing to be on social media. Social media has so many ill effects on our society, and it kinda sucks that we're letting corporations control who we even see as people in this case, but yea
So they can see if you're good enough/find more about you, so they can get to you easier
Same.
I have no idea at this point lol
Even after reading these responses I'm still feeling torn about setting up an account. I wish it wasn't the case but I just feel so uncomfortable about having to publicly maintain an idealized image of my life and interests, just to prove I'm normal.
I'm not making one and no one can force me to be honest. WhatsApp has replaced sms in my country basically, people that care can contact me there. Maybe see a status once in a while. But I'm not putting in more effort than that, feels dystopian to artificially maintain some profile to prove that you're "normal" tbh.
Dunno if that's too :a-guy: but whatever at this point. People that want to contact me can, I'll give anyone irl that's interested in remaining in contact my number and/or whatsapp, I'm not going to bullshit on Instagram or snap.
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