background: I learned last night from my aunt that my dad with... uhh... murderous feelings about trans people knows I'm trans and has for months. she tried to reassure me that he's too mentally ill to do anything about it and that he doesn't know where I live anyway but... god I want to scream.

why does no one in my family give a single shit about my safety?? they've all independently warned me that he can't find out and I've been so, so careful. but someone just decided to tell his mother apropos of nothing and she of course told him because she's 90 and can't imagine the evil in his heart. none of them can imagine that gossiping has fucking consequences.

I wasn't planning on changing my legal name but now I think I have to - ensuring that the court seals that record. and I also need to scrub every single public record that lists an address for me. I was already planning to move after I recovered from this surgery but this puts a whole new impetus on that since discovering and taking down info on public websites is hard. so I'll move as soon as I can - but probably after I've changed my name. I also won't set up mail forwarding such that it's harder to connect my old address with my new one.

I think going forward family can't learn anything about me - legal name, address, nothing. they have my phone number and email address and I can go visit them occasionally but no one is visiting me. I can't trust any of them to keep their mouths shut. maybe my aunt is right and he can't get his shit together enough to do anything but I can't take that kind of chance on my life. I can't live in fear of a knock at the door.

what I need: anyone know of any groups that help with this stuff? I need to disappear from someone who probably has most of my personal details, including a copy of my birth certificate, social security card, old passport, etc.. he's abused me in the past so maybe a domestic violence group could help?

also, what am I not thinking of? are there other ways he can find where I live? do I need a restraining order? that seems like an absolute waste of time and energy because calling the cops to help a brown trans woman sounds laughably stupid. even if they show up and don't decide to shoot or arrest me, he's still physically present and can harm me before they arrive.

I'm sure many of you are going to tell me to "get a gun" and while I might do that, it's not exactly a help here. not only does my city make that rather difficult but actually getting the gun to a range - all of which are well outside the city - and then using it in a facility filled with absolutely no one but cops and open fash (literally... my friends have spotted so many people brazenly displaying neo-nazi insignias at these ranges...) is an absolutely terrifying prospect for me as a brown trans woman. so I can't learn to use the weapon without traveling considerable distance to some place owned by a friend of a friend that happens to own enough land so that I can get far enough away from other people and shoot at a makeshift target or something. not exactly practical for someone who doesn't own a car! a weapon I don't know how to use is false security.

lastly, because I'm recovering from surgery, I'm safe from him at least until March as I won't be home. so my immediate safety is not in question - this is more about what I can do to ensure my long-term safety without having to look over my shoulder, day in and day out.

:cat-trans: :heart-sickle: appreciate any and all advice.