My God, what an overlong, bloated, stupid and pointlessly loud movie. Most of it is just watching nameless sailors getting picked off by Weta Workshop's CGI monstrosities in overly elaborate action scenes (which brought to mind the worst parts of the Hobbit trilogy).

Also, Jack Black's character should've gotten his head torn off by Kong. The character was a massive piece of shit, all of the deaths were his fault but noo, we're supposed to think he's funny. He even gets to deliver the awful final solemn line the movie ends on.

Between this and the Hobbit movies it's a miracle his LOTR trilogy ended up being as good as it was. What a hack fraud

  • inshallah2 [none/use name]
    ·
    2 years ago

    You were arguably still in the good part of that movie.

    If I watched the opening right now - I might think it wasn't that bad. I'd make a terrible critic. If I get disappointed - I'm already halfway to hating what I'm watching.

    in the theater

    The last movie I saw in a theater was Dawn of the Dead (2004) which I really liked. I decided to go out on a high note. I got very tired of giving money to Hollywood and them giving me crap back in return.

    the dwarf-elf love triangle

    Good grief. Is there a Youtube fan edit of just that? I might really like it.

    • Duckduck [none/use name]
      ·
      2 years ago

      There's the opposite: "Hobbit: The Tolkien Edit" which you can find here: https://tolkieneditor.wordpress.com/. It removes the stupid elf woman and all of the non-canon related idiocy. Like the theme park ride through the rapids and the attack on Dol Guldur. It does remove "That's What Bilbo Baggins Hates" which is canon, which is a pity.

    • doublepepperoni [none/use name]
      ·
      2 years ago

      If I watched the opening right now - I might think it wasn’t that bad. I’d make a terrible critic

      In general, the Hobbiton stuff (minus the pointless and distracting Fellowship-era bookending sequences), the Gollum sequence as well as Bilbo's encounter with Smaug (before it transitions into a convoluted terrible action set piece) as well as some bits here and there are the Actually Really Good Parts of the movie that really capture the feel of the original novel. It's just such a shame since the cast, especially Martin Freeman as Bilbo, were on point. You can occasionally squint and see the movies that could've been

      The last movie I saw in a theater was Dawn of the Dead (2004) which I really liked. I decided to go out on a high note. I got very tired of giving money to Hollywood and them giving me crap back in return.

      I rather enjoyed the experience of going to the theater a couple of times a year in the bEfOrE tImEs

      Good grief. Is there a Youtube fan edit of just that? I might really like it.

      Pretty sure all fanedits of the Hobbit deliberately cut that part out

      Edit: Here's the how that awful sideplot ends. It's so unbelieveably cringe-worthy I can't believe the same creative team made the LOTR movies