I moved to Germany from India 4 years ago. Before you have a prejudice regarding me, I would like to state that I am a open minded, leftist, very much aware of privileges society and an atheist.

I got out of a four year long relationship last year and since then it took me this many months to move on from it. My attachment style is a bit anxious oriented. But since then I have been doing therapy and have got hell of a perspective within myself. In short, I have a better control of my life.

I started dating again last month after 5 years and I feel like I am either toooo old for this current dating scenario or just a bit conservative. It seems like people are just looking for hookups, for which I am not against it but I am looking for something long term. And it's just so hard to find someone like that. Every other person I meet is either there for fucking or polygamous relationships. I am not sure if it is just the Germans or this is a global thing. But I feel like me wanting to have a monogamous, long term relationship and possibly a marriage is considered a bit conservative now. I know that one can never decide on longetivity of relationship and I also don't go out there say openly that I am seeking some life long partner or whatever but I wish to have one. Please help me get some perspective on this, how do I exactly orient myself in this? Do I need to change the way I think about wants and needs?

  • LeninWalksTheWorld [any]
    ·
    3 years ago

    I don't think you should ever try to change want you personally want. It is not just in Germany, this trend is also in America. But not everyone is like this, you will have to look in different places. Dating apps for example are mostly for people who just want hookups.

    • Kaa5h [he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      3 years ago

      Yeah dating apps suck. That's why I deleted them. But real life dating is something I am not really sure how to do it 😅

    • teddiursa [she/her]
      ·
      3 years ago

      This isn't an actual trend though. "Hookup culture" was much more prevalent decades ago. Gen Z and Millennials are having less casual sex than previous generations were

      • LeninWalksTheWorld [any]
        ·
        3 years ago

        for real? could you link me something about it? not that I don't believe you just curious

      • TankGirl [she/her]
        ·
        3 years ago

        Yeah. That complaint tends to be an incel talking point.