I moved to Germany from India 4 years ago. Before you have a prejudice regarding me, I would like to state that I am a open minded, leftist, very much aware of privileges society and an atheist.

I got out of a four year long relationship last year and since then it took me this many months to move on from it. My attachment style is a bit anxious oriented. But since then I have been doing therapy and have got hell of a perspective within myself. In short, I have a better control of my life.

I started dating again last month after 5 years and I feel like I am either toooo old for this current dating scenario or just a bit conservative. It seems like people are just looking for hookups, for which I am not against it but I am looking for something long term. And it's just so hard to find someone like that. Every other person I meet is either there for fucking or polygamous relationships. I am not sure if it is just the Germans or this is a global thing. But I feel like me wanting to have a monogamous, long term relationship and possibly a marriage is considered a bit conservative now. I know that one can never decide on longetivity of relationship and I also don't go out there say openly that I am seeking some life long partner or whatever but I wish to have one. Please help me get some perspective on this, how do I exactly orient myself in this? Do I need to change the way I think about wants and needs?

    • Kaa5h [he/him]
      ·
      3 years ago

      I 'used' OkCupid. Not anymore, since I found it way fucking superficial. Working on my real life skills. Especially with a brown skin, I am defaulted to be a creepy person so I am trying my extra best to not be one. But racism, indeed plays a big role, even in the most progressive set of people on different levels. Dating surely is hit by that.

      • aaaaaaadjsf [he/him, comrade/them]
        ·
        3 years ago

        Especially with a brown skin, I am defaulted to be a creepy person so I am trying my extra best to not be one

        It really sucks that you feel like you have to this, but yes unfortunately racism is everywhere. And yeah OkCupid is not used much anymore, everyone is on tinder, so it attends to attract a weird crowd as of late.

        You just have to be patient and not lower your standards in that regard. I would say don't date someone that is racist, even if they are kind to you, because I've seen it happen before and it doesn't end well.