I moved to Germany from India 4 years ago. Before you have a prejudice regarding me, I would like to state that I am a open minded, leftist, very much aware of privileges society and an atheist.

I got out of a four year long relationship last year and since then it took me this many months to move on from it. My attachment style is a bit anxious oriented. But since then I have been doing therapy and have got hell of a perspective within myself. In short, I have a better control of my life.

I started dating again last month after 5 years and I feel like I am either toooo old for this current dating scenario or just a bit conservative. It seems like people are just looking for hookups, for which I am not against it but I am looking for something long term. And it's just so hard to find someone like that. Every other person I meet is either there for fucking or polygamous relationships. I am not sure if it is just the Germans or this is a global thing. But I feel like me wanting to have a monogamous, long term relationship and possibly a marriage is considered a bit conservative now. I know that one can never decide on longetivity of relationship and I also don't go out there say openly that I am seeking some life long partner or whatever but I wish to have one. Please help me get some perspective on this, how do I exactly orient myself in this? Do I need to change the way I think about wants and needs?

  • Owl [he/him]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Tinder is particularly oriented towards hookup culture, and you'll probably have to look at the other apps. I've heard Hinge is better about it. I don't know if that's still true through multiple layers of hearsay and an entirely different country.

    I also don’t go out there say openly that I am seeking some life long partner or whatever but I wish to have one.

    On dating profiles, you should mention that you're looking for a long term relationship. Add a layer of hedging if must ("Looking for something that could turn into a long term relationship.")

    • Ideology [she/her]
      ·
      3 years ago

      Hedging helps, anyway, because it's not like the first person you go out with is necessarily the one™. IMO, honest communication should be established immediately, too, esp for long term.