I moved to Germany from India 4 years ago. Before you have a prejudice regarding me, I would like to state that I am a open minded, leftist, very much aware of privileges society and an atheist.
I got out of a four year long relationship last year and since then it took me this many months to move on from it. My attachment style is a bit anxious oriented. But since then I have been doing therapy and have got hell of a perspective within myself. In short, I have a better control of my life.
I started dating again last month after 5 years and I feel like I am either toooo old for this current dating scenario or just a bit conservative. It seems like people are just looking for hookups, for which I am not against it but I am looking for something long term. And it's just so hard to find someone like that. Every other person I meet is either there for fucking or polygamous relationships. I am not sure if it is just the Germans or this is a global thing. But I feel like me wanting to have a monogamous, long term relationship and possibly a marriage is considered a bit conservative now. I know that one can never decide on longetivity of relationship and I also don't go out there say openly that I am seeking some life long partner or whatever but I wish to have one. Please help me get some perspective on this, how do I exactly orient myself in this? Do I need to change the way I think about wants and needs?
If you want monogamy then that's what you want, there's nothing to be ashamed about there or feel like you're wrong to want. One of the things I've had to learn regarding long-term relationships is that, while its super important to learn to compromise on certain things, you're also looking for someone who shares your outlook on life and not everyone will be compatible with you even if you really like them. A person who wants a polygamous relationship and someone who wants a monogamous relationship will not really work out, but that doesn't mean anyone is wrong in their wants, it just means two different people want and need different things.
It seems like you have a pretty good idea what you want. I wouldn't say it's conservative or anything, its just your preferences. So I think going forward you just need to realize you're looking for a certain type of relationship, and with certain people this just won't work because it's not what they want. No one is wrong, you just need to find someone who shares your values