"Comparison is the thief of joy," as they say, but it's not as simple as knowing that and being immediately freed from its clutches.
I looked up a former friend from high school today and found she's now super successful with her own startup doing cool science shit that might actually improve people's lives. When I look at my own life and what I've done in the same time it feels so insignificant, worthless even.
Normally I'm content to just chug along my path and try my best to better the world, but I've got some wounds surrounding this friend and our falling out (largely due to my own insecurities and inability to reconcile my unrequited crush on her :cringe: ) that never healed. Even thinking about her makes me feel so wretched, and all the more hateful towards myself for feeling that way, for being so weak and ill-accomplished. Is there anything to do but just try to block it out of my mind? I wish I could tear out and burn the piece of me that cares about this.
Edit: Thank you to everyone who's responded to this. Talking about it has helped me feel a lot better and think about some goals for how I want my life to go and what I want to prioritize moving forward. Who knew internet strangers could be so helpful?
Desire is a false promise. Become "successful" and you will find no satisfaction as subconsciously you will end up shifting the goalposts of your desire as you approach them. Be true to yourself, act with intention, do what is important to you and set goals for yourself. But don't view others success through the lense of desire - this way leads only to suffering.
Don't dwell on the past if it's not pleasant or helpful for you. You can't forget the past, obviously, but you can choose to spend your mental energy a different way. Not sure if that helps or not. Solidarity! :red-fist:
Classically, for a middle class white dude, this is presented as a "mid-life crisis". After a life of hard work you have all the hot dogs, but remain empty inside.