It’s some stupid AA/NA bullshit, I don’t know. And while it isn’t always a sign that someone is a chode—I used to have a friend who used the phrase, and would send me money specifically so I wouldn’t have to go into withdrawal—every other time I’ve seen this term used, it’s come from someone who’s actively trying to make life for actual addicts an even worse Hell than it usually already is—usually by spreading and enforcing stereotypes and junk science—and then trying to be like “Hey, I’m an addict too.”
And what’s really gross is how these people seem to actually believe that they’re helping us. It doesn’t matter how much I scream in pain—the unyielding finger-pointing, the trashing of my image, the burning of my sources for kickdowns or whatever, the stress and the self-loathing they try to impress upon me, it’s all because I have to “hit rock bottom” in order to seek help and get sober. And of course they don’t care if “rock bottom” is a noose or a gun or a huge rip off some straight fetty powder.
Sorry but, if you aren't going to the restroom to hit a pipe or cook up a shot—or whatever, I’m trying to be poetic or something—or hitting a bottle of “water” or “juice” or whatever that isn’t water or juice or whatever; or blacking out and stealing a bunch of shit and dropping a mixtape on SoundCloud that’s just mumbling over a trap beat, you aren’t an addict. If you used to do that and got clean you’re maybe an addict emiritus. Idk shut up. Do whatever you want mang just don’t call yourself an addict to shit on other addicts; you know how much it fucking sucks to be here.
I had this experience when I was younger, for me it was being very overweight and I guess what I'd now consider "presenting ND". I think part of it is that in order to change you have to dislike who you used to be - at least a bit.
Of course life humbled me pretty good, but that's just how things go sometimes.
I absolutely hate that it's ok to give shit to overweight people. I'm so sorry that's the way our world is.
Ah, I didn't explain well but what I meant was I lost a lot of weight and made a conscious effort to get out there and 'be normal' (masking I suppose) and when I did I started to really resent people who were fat or I thought were lazy or people who presented as neurodivergent, basically people like I used to be. A lot of it was internalized self loathing and some of it was "I changed why don't you change" or "why do you choose to be miserable, what are you, stupid?" I didn't even realize I was doing it.
Then I went through a few very stressful years and ended up worse than when I started, fatter than ever, and I basically had a nervous breakdown. It was rough but it gave me some measure of perspective on the situation and how callous I had become towards people who were where I had been and where I ended up again.
That said it does suck how being overweight is seen, even among leftists, as an acceptable characteristic to put shit on. I've even had friends telling me an anecdote and they'll say something like (CW body shaming) "so there was this huge fat fuck..." and I say to them um, like me? and they're at a loss for words "oh, right, um no not exactly..." It sucks being overweight, but it sucks so much more knowing that most people look down on you for it too, but there was a time when I was one of those people.
I've definitely said a fuck ton of size phobic (is there a better word?) stuff in my lifetime. All the pain you've been through was unnecessary, like we shouldn't be caring about people's shapes. My students watch the skinniest dancers on their phones and I hate it all.
It's so terrible that you had to go through a nervous breakdown over silly beauty standards. Fuck our society.
Thanks man, to be honest thinking about it has me kinda feeling rough in a way I didn't expect to. Lotta thoughts and feelings I don't really know how to process.
I appreciate what your saying though. Wish we could just be us without judging and being judged for shit that doesn't hurt anyone else.