Welcome to the first televised Presidential debate!

enter Alec Baldwin and Woody Harrelson

AUDIENCE LOSES THEIR SHIT

Host: President Trump, we'll start with you, sir. ... Umm, are you on your phone?!

Trump: Yes, I'm writing a tweet! ... hashtag nothingrhymeswithorange, hashtag tuckmeinvladamir

AUDIENCE DOUBLES OVER IN PANDEMONIUM

Biden: Maybe it would make the most sense if I just took over.

camera pans to Biden in shades holding an empty ice cream cone

AUDIENCE CACKLES UNTIL THEIR ESOPHAGUS IS SANDPAPER

Biden: I came here to kick ass and eat ice cream, and I'm all out of ice cream.

AUDIENCE WRENCHES INTO AN OUROBOROS OF AUTOFELLATIO

........

What else happens?