My a/c is out and it's been getting over 90 degrees in my apartment, so I asked him to stop by and make sure my kitty was all good. I just got home a little while ago and went to pack a bowl, and my bag of weed paraphernalia was all tossed around. The ziplock bag was open and the rolling plate, grinder, bowl, lighters, and bud were thrown in there in a way I normally don't put them in. He's literally as evangelical conservative as you can get, and he's scolded his adult children for drinking or smoking weed in their own homes. So I cleaned up and put away any vapes, beer cans, lighters, etc. so he wouldn't see them. I'm really shocked he didn't bring it up to me, but I'm really pissed that he went through my cupboards and took all the stuff out. I just wanted him to stop by and check on my cat, but he invaded my privacy on top of that.

None of this really matters, I just needed to vent.

      • InternetLefty [he/him]
        ·
        2 years ago

        Sounds like some kind of anxiety disorder to me. Folks, you never realize how much of this behavior and thinking you internalize from your dysfunctional parents until you get older (and/or go to therapy lol)

      • ThisMachinePostsHog [they/them, he/him]
        hexagon
        ·
        2 years ago

        I dealt with that for awhile. Did you constantly get roped into taking on impromptu chores and feel like if you were laying on the couch relaxing, you were being a lousy human?

        • OneBillionRubyWasps [he/him,comrade/them]
          ·
          edit-2
          2 years ago

          Yes! And if you ever tell them to chill the fuck out, they come back with "well if I don't do this household chore (right the fuck now and at a loud, anxiety-inducing pace) then nobody will! Someone has to do it, right?"

          Until basically your options are to either relent and let them do it, or take their place.

          • dismal [they/them, undecided]
            ·
            2 years ago

            holy shit this dealer i lived with for several weeks was exactly like that. he would mumble and curse angrily while cleaning nasty dishes left in the sink by our roommate (that one never would clean his dishes though to be fair…. i would be mad too but probably not that mad)

            i was on the other side of that kitchen counter on this janky futon was maybe 4 or 5 feet from the sink. that was a really fun time

          • ThisMachinePostsHog [they/them, he/him]
            hexagon
            ·
            2 years ago

            Gahh, and when you let them do it, you end up feeling horribly guilty about it! Haha, this shit sucks. But I totally know what you mean when you have to get up and do it with extreme urgency, which just rips you out of what you were doing and focused on at the time.

    • ThisMachinePostsHog [they/them, he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      edit-2
      2 years ago

      Gah, why can't parents just understand and respect boundaries? I'm sorry you have to deal with that, but you'll be out eventually.

      I moved in with my dad in 2020 after I was going through some stuff, and I lived with him for a year while I saved money and worked on my mental health. But jesus christ, it was really hard putting up with an overbearing evangelical pastor who monitored everything I did like I was a teenager. My then 11-year-old was with me at the same time and it took a toll on him, too.

      But the universe played a cruel joke and he moved into the apartment across the parking lot from me, and it's been a big double-edged sword. He'll stop over unannounced after I've told him it gives me extreme anxiety having unexpected drop-ins. If I don't answer the door, he'll look in the window and jiggle the doorknob. His wife and I work for the same company and he'll knock on the door if he sees that I didn't go to work one day. It's fucking awful, and I can't wait until he moves to a different state in a couple months.

      Edit: On the plus side, he's helped me move a couple big pieces of furniture and he was checking in on my cat and helping out while my ac has been out. But yeah, that doesn't negate the other extreme bullshit he puts me through.

    • Sharon [none/use name]
      ·
      2 years ago

      create work from thin air.

      You're just not seeing the things that need to be done.

      • crime [she/her, any]
        ·
        2 years ago

        Possible, but no one's gonna die if the baseboards aren't dusted and shit like that. Life is short, who cares