- comment the best quotes you find on hexbear.net
- if i get the joke and like it I'll add it to the body of the post
- if you can give the comment's origin or author, do, but it's not required
Jacking off into a supersoaker is basically the bolshevik revolution
Stalin is short for Stalin the Hedgehog
The North American Gringo has been rendered useless.
“Chicks hold up half of this bitching party” - Rave Mao @jabrd
Dante illustrated hell but he could not contemplate suburbia @Frank
All the “Hunter ‘Big Dick’ Biden Ukraine” stuff right before the election was kind of a chekhov’s gun, from a literary analysis of the 2020 election @StellarTabi
i have bifurcated my life now. Post-horny screed and pre-horny screed. Now is the time of the struggle against the old. Will I win? @LoudMuffin
Probably something wrong with dryjacking while making eye contact with your parents though
There’s no bread, so you might as well enjoy the circus.
The screams of apes have been edited out.
pedantic guy who gets mad at ‘himbo’ since ‘bimbo’ is already masculine in italian
“Saturn Devouring His Son after finding out he had spent Saturn’s life savings on Dogecoin”
"Stalin is short for Stalin the Hedgehog"
"The North American Gringo has been rendered useless."
I do self-criticism constantly because I’m trapped in a Maoist cult where comrades (white terrorists) criticize me mercilessly for having a fascist credit card (VISA Silver Signature Rewards)
They won’t let me order vegan pizza anymore because the phone is fascist and “summoning my pizza slaves with a bourgeois app" is “bad vibes”
https://hexbear.net/post/15414/comment/102145
The funniest bit I've seen on HB was from a discussion of chapo parents, it went something like:
:rust-darkness: MFW I have 5 minutes to myself and have to choose between going to the washroom or smoking a cigarette on the deck.
No everything has to be serious at all times and we cannot find any humor in the absurdity of hell world.
The last time I smiled was on August 19th, 1991. I always wear a dirty ushanka , do not shave, and only take cold sponge baths because hot running water is bourgeoisie decadence. Every day at exactly noon I have the same meal of an expired Maoist MRE I store in a pit covered in old issues of a revolutionary newspaper.
In the evenings I stare at a picture of vodka by candlelight, but I do not allow myself to drink because there is nothing to celebrate. I sleep in a bed made of flags from every failed revolution so that they are never forgotten.
Every local org has banned me after I attempted to split it by assassinating the leadership. Orthodox Marxism requires that true communists purge opportunists whenever they appear. Opportunism is anyone who disagrees with me, drinks fluoride, or owns a smart phone.
My double PHD in marxist economics and 18th century Swiss philosophy (required to understand Engels) sits over the fireplace of my home. My fireplace is a salvaged drum from a 1950s washing machine that was recalled for locking children inside of it. I chose that washing machine model on purpose because I am anti-natalist.
There is no plumbing in my house I shit in a brass bucket with a picture of Gonzalo and Deng french kissing in the bottom of it. My house is actually an overturned T34 in an abandoned junkyard in Wisconsin. I was inside the T34 when it was shipped to Wisconsin and I am the reason the junkyard is abandoned.
I have a single friend in this world and it is a tapeworm named Bordiga that I met after ingesting spoiled borscht on 9/11 in the ruins of building 7 (I blew it up after finding that a nominally leftist NGO inside of it wasn’t sufficiently anti-imperialist, the attacks on the world trade center were a perfect revolutionary moment for me to enact direct praxis against liberalism).
My sole source of income is various MLM schemes in the former soviet bloc that have been running for so long no one remembers who I am, they just keep sending money. I have not paid taxes since McGovern lost the Democratic nomination for president and my faith in electoralism died more brutally than my childhood dog after it got into an entire jar of tylenol.
I own 29 fully automatic rusted kalashnikovs and three crates of ammunition entirely incompatible with them or any other firearms I own. I invented the bat’leth while debating Gene Rodenberry on the dialectical materialism of Posadism. This was, of course, before I was unjustly fired from the production crew of Star Trek for declaring a protracted people’s war against RKO Pictures and setting William Shatner on fire. I continue this liberatory struggle to this day by shipping mail bombs to the Paramount studio lot hidden within packages disguised as edible arrangements addressed to “Gary ‘D. B.’ Cooper”.
During the latest BLM protests I firebombed a Nikes outlet in the middle of a peaceful candlelit vigil. I was briefly contained within Fort Detrick, but cured my long covid with smallpox spores after escaping and returning home.
William F Buckley and I wrote hate mail to one another for 47 years until my final letter gave him an aneurysm. The only water I drink is from puddles. George Lucas and I dropped acid together during an MKULTRA southern baptist summer camp and he went on to write the movie Willow about our time together.
The best way to test whether an electrical wire is live is to drool on it and shrimp salad is racist. You can make an IED out of potassium and the instructions are online thanks to Timothy McVey, who was actually a committed antifascist communist slandered by the deep state as part of operation condor.
Every time a liberal files a restraining order against me, I carve a mark into the wall. I am running out of walls.
When Amerika finally collapses I will be ready to lead the revolution. I am very smart and people like being around me.
LMAO that is a good one, I didn’t see it. Glad my post could help lead to it :fidel-salute:
Edit: That and any other good quotes people post here could be candidates for the random taglines you get at the top of the site. Not sure the process for new ones getting added
here are some of my favorites:
"Chicks hold up half of this bitching party" - Rave Mao
Dante illustrated hell but he could not contemplate suburbia
All the "Hunter 'Big Dick' Biden Ukraine" stuff right before the election was kind of a chekhov's gun, from a literary analysis of the 2020 election
i have bifurcated my life now. Post-horny screed and pre-horny screed. Now is the time of the struggle against the old. Will I win?
Qui federat federatores?
@BrookeBaybee @DasKarlBarx @LENINSGHOSTFACEKILLA @MiraculousMM would a pin, for a little while, be in order?
Probably something wrong with dryjacking while making eye contact with your parents though
Pretty good thread in general, regarding a redditor practicing foreskin restoration.
Like king Midas dying of starvation, you too would start to curse the heavens when everything you touched turned into Reddit gold
Artefact infused with the souls of demons manifests ‘hell on earth beyond our worst nightmares’ says College of Thaumaturgists
-AI Trained on 4Chan Becomes ‘Hate Speech Machine’ (technically from the comments to a reddit post, rather than a hexbear original, but it's just too good to pass up)
Hek what? Ah, Hekshabear. Yesh ok, zhe Moskow time, big poop bear ballsh and so on. Pure ideology. Burn to zhe ground. But I like how zhey hav zhis, how do you shay, “tag linesh,” on zhe top of zhe page. “We’re in fuckin 1320 motherfucker” one of zhem saysh. Zhish is absolutely tru, zhe peasant from zhe Alzache who forgeth zhe Belden plan. ...
Hunter Biden is truly the Faramir of US politics
“A chance for Hunter, Captain of Large Sons, to show his quality…”
in response to Robert Evans saying he had no "take" on Bolivia:
well shit, your station chief should have briefed you
‘I wonder why we had such a hard time appealing to the working classes,’ I ponder as I pour another glass from a $30 bottle of wine I bought for lunch. ‘It must be because they’re stupid racist dum dums.’ I conclude as I carve into a loaf of artisan bread that cost as much as most people spend on a meal for a family of 4 and that I’ll leave half of to go stale.
“Here’s the deal folks, we did 9/11! Well not we. Bush did 9/11. I didn’t have anything to do with it. I was against it. If I was in office there’d be no 9/11, I’ll tell you that. I thought it was pretty bad, what they did to our beautiful country, what Bush and the Democrats like Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi did. I wouldn’t do that, I own New York real estate. My property value went down! WAY DOWN! I’d never do a 9/11.”
