I have a similar experience when I try to discuss how abusive my mum was to me, my dad and my brother but no one wants to hear it or at worst will say it was my fault or I did something wrong. Its a bias I've noticed a lot of people have and it's an incredibly damaging and dangerous bias. Somehow because the damage wasn't physical it means it didn't happen or didn't exist...
I think the dating app thing is a very common experience. I'd stay away from them until you're in a better place at least, if not entirely. Unfortunately it seems like the denial of abuse is common too but idk if I have anything meaningful to say about that besides "wow that sucks, I'm sorry."
I feel like I have a lot to offer. I'm funny, kind, smart, a talented musician/artist, I think I'm handdome even (can't post a pic obviously), but no one seems to care. It's like when I put my confidence to practice I get rejected and reminded why I shouldn't have any.
I feel this pretty hard. And I'm not even particularly talented lmao. I know this doesn't make it feel better, but it's not you, it's society. I mean yes, there's just meeting the right people and stuff too, but the current trajectory of society is so alienating, and treats everyone as so profoundly disposable and interchangeable, that I don't know how anyone manages. Many if not most people I know are struggling in similar ways.
To quote... someone, idk, it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. Solidarity, friend
dating apps are quite literally designed to make you feel bad about yourself so that you pay for a better chance of getting matches, especially for straight men. you can completely ignore any impact it has on how you feel about yourself, it's literally just capital using your insecurities against you to say "fuck you, pay me." get away and stay away
you'll be alright though. give yourself time to heal and focus on making the most of the good attributes you listed about yourself. also, feeling better is not a linear process - some days you will feel like you're regressing, but that's ok. it's part of the process so try not to get down on yourself about it
Death to America
don't hold it against yourself though. the idea that you can just go on an app and get a relationship is very appealing, trying it is nothing to be ashamed of
Death to America
I spent so much of my life looking for love externally. Now, on my own, treating myself well I am having the time of my life. I now live in my car. I have lived in a tent, a teardrop trailer that was really just a bed in a box, a few years on a sailboat in the Gulf of Mexico, a giant Motoryacht, a truck camper and now a Chevy Astro. I am alone but not nearly as lonely as I have been in relationships. Life seems to be much longer now. I could go on. Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated!
I think we need to differentiate between being alone and being lonely. I, and many others, love being alone.
No real experience but from what I keep hearing, dating apps are hell holes that commodify your identity in a really ugly way. First you have to think of yourself as a product for sale and market yourself as such, then, thanks to the way discovery and interaction works you’ll will be made to feel inadequate as part of their process to convince you to pay for “advantages”.
If you can, find dating events happening in the real world where you see people face to face. Singles nights, speed dating, whatever else there is… it’s going to be less humiliating than apps that are designed to prey upon insecurity.
Also hobbies and causes are a great way to meet people and remind yourself there’s possibility and purpose to seize upon outside of your current personal microcosm.
I think a lot of us can relate to your experience. I have found a lot of people that seem to have borderline personality disorder, and are admired for it.
I thought I did. I think I just didn't know how to handle my emotions and I was put into some triggering situations.
I think I self medicated with weed for a big part of my life. Now I am happy without it and it just makes me feel stupider, but not happier.
When it became legal and available where I am it lost some of its hold on me. If I have it I smoke it out of boredom . Knowing I can get it tomorrow makes me feel like I would rather do other things today.
