I hate wageslaving so much, so fucking much. I work a bullshit government job but it's fucking stressful and my boss is such an annoying stickler for "quality" such that I can't go on autopilot to get through the day. No, I have to bust my ass to produce "quality" bullshit documents while under the yoke of a stressful quota. To escape, I've thought about going to law school to be a public defender as to do something which effects a modicum of meaningful change to the underclassmen living in abject povety and misery. However, I'm pretty sure I'd quickly get burnt out and regret wasting my life/money on law school. Moreover, I think that being a public defender would only serve to legitimize the racist, classist, and abhorent American justice system; the only thing that'll "solve" this system is a complete rehaul through a massive revolution. Fat chance of that ever happening in my lifetime... Honestly, I don't see any practical escape from this misery except suicide or doing something ridiculous like becoming a buddhist monk. I don't know how much of this exploitation I can take any longer...

As a matter of fact, I've read/consumed so much stuff on pessimism, absurdism, existensialism, buddhism, taoism, and antinatalism to the point that I see no point to life and my depression waves are cresting higher and higher each week. And this is all in the light that I think I have a "good" life: I have money, my own apartment, have hobbies that alleviate my suffering, have a gf, am healthy, exercise regularly, don't read the news that much, etc. But in spite of all that, there is this shroud of despair that follows me around everywhere; a lingering thought that wonders what's the point of all this suffering if I'm going to die anyways? We're all on Death Row, yet we suffer and toil endlessly just so we can postpone our execution date. Life is already suffering, so why does it have to be this fucking bad? I'm just so tired of it all...