Same. But entering 40s, no partner, no children, no coworkers, and essentially no family. Being alone pretty much 24/7 really sucks... Isolation does bad things to one's brain. :agony-limitless:
Roommates got me through the post-parent / pre-spouse gap. They also helped me get out and socialize, meet more people, and eventually form a family.
There were some downsides too, of course. Had to break up a fight between two of them when one tried to stab the other, for instance. Also, the kitchen was a chronic mess. But at the end of the day, having roommates always felt better than living alone, imho.
Yeah I think I would probably enjoy roommates if they were decent comrades esp. Though having to break up a knife fight might be a deal breaker for me. Kinda moot though, as my situation wouldn't really allow for it and I honestly have some growing mental illness issues that are the main reason I'm so isolated to begin with. It's really a fucking Catch22.
I wasn't always alone like this, I've been in caring, committed long term relationships, had a friend group, even some work I enjoyed. It's just been a really really long time since that and I'm just sort of broken now. Anyway, I'll stop the moaning, thanks for the advice.
Yeah I think I would probably enjoy roommates if they were decent comrades esp. Though having to break up a knife fight might be a deal breaker for me. Kinda moot though, as my situation wouldn’t really allow for it and I honestly have some growing mental illness issues that are the main reason I’m so isolated to begin with. It’s really a fucking Catch22.
I feel you. I moved in with an old high school friend after graduating college. And the number of roommates grew as more college grads piled in (we had a house with five people in it by the end). But that was easier when we were younger and living a bit looser. I don't think I could find roommates at 40, either.
But just living in an apartment block and building relationships with neighbors can help, too. Or getting to know the next-door neighbors on your street. I know more than a few 40-year-olds that just hit up the same bar every night and are friends with the other regulars. Not the healthiest way to live, but healthier than living alone.
I wasn’t always alone like this, I’ve been in caring, committed long term relationships, had a friend group, even some work I enjoyed. It’s just been a really really long time since that and I’m just sort of broken now.
I've moved a few times as a kid, and I remember how much it fucking sucks to lose your whole friend-group. Getting from zero friends to one is always the biggest challenge.
Anyway, I’ll stop the moaning, thanks for the advice.
Saul Good. This site is nothing if not a great place to vent frustration.
That sounds like it must have been pretty fun, actually, even with an little knife fight here and there. Certainly sounds like a good setup for a group of college kids (or recently out of).
That was actually how I envisioned I'd soon be living when in my late teens and early 20s, it was kind of the plan, actually. I suspect if I had done it more the way you describe, I wouldn't be quite so bad off as I am now, given the added socialization. But some pretty shitty things also happened around that time so it just wasn't in the cards. Having really bad social phobia certainly didn't help (now diagnosed as a full on personality disorder), but I lived in a little loft apartment with partner for 5 years in my mid/late twenties, as we slowly took classes at the community college where i also worked. And that was... good times. But yeah, I just turned 40 (ugh!) a couple months ago, have got nothing to show for it except a lot of shame and some unfortunate health problems. It's hard enough for "normal" people to make connections. As for roommates now, I'm in a little one-bedroom granny unit relying on foodstamps and the generosity of my remaining parent who owns said unit, and he also has his own weird issues wrt to human contact. In other words, having roommates isn't up to me. I'm not in town, fairly rural and the smattering of neighbors that do live in the area are wealthy, petty-bourgie boomers.
I've considered trying to connect, even joined a zoom meeting group for mental health well-being a while back, but... I don't know, maybe it's just that everyone is so utterly alienated, but I didn't feel like there was any path to actually connecting with anyone. Elsewhere in this thread, people mentioned going to elderly care homes and asking the staff which ressidents could use someone to talk to, and I think that could be a really good thing, actually helping someone else out. Something to think about. Of course covid adds a new element to be considered to that scenario.
Anyway, thanks for the friendly ear and your thoughts. I really do love this place. As others have said, it's like the last sane and kind place left on the internet.
Me, who is entering his 30s and has neither a partner nor children: :this-is-fine:
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Same. But entering 40s, no partner, no children, no coworkers, and essentially no family. Being alone pretty much 24/7 really sucks... Isolation does bad things to one's brain. :agony-limitless:
Roommates got me through the post-parent / pre-spouse gap. They also helped me get out and socialize, meet more people, and eventually form a family.
There were some downsides too, of course. Had to break up a fight between two of them when one tried to stab the other, for instance. Also, the kitchen was a chronic mess. But at the end of the day, having roommates always felt better than living alone, imho.
Yeah I think I would probably enjoy roommates if they were decent comrades esp. Though having to break up a knife fight might be a deal breaker for me. Kinda moot though, as my situation wouldn't really allow for it and I honestly have some growing mental illness issues that are the main reason I'm so isolated to begin with. It's really a fucking Catch22.
I wasn't always alone like this, I've been in caring, committed long term relationships, had a friend group, even some work I enjoyed. It's just been a really really long time since that and I'm just sort of broken now. Anyway, I'll stop the moaning, thanks for the advice.
I feel you. I moved in with an old high school friend after graduating college. And the number of roommates grew as more college grads piled in (we had a house with five people in it by the end). But that was easier when we were younger and living a bit looser. I don't think I could find roommates at 40, either.
But just living in an apartment block and building relationships with neighbors can help, too. Or getting to know the next-door neighbors on your street. I know more than a few 40-year-olds that just hit up the same bar every night and are friends with the other regulars. Not the healthiest way to live, but healthier than living alone.
I've moved a few times as a kid, and I remember how much it fucking sucks to lose your whole friend-group. Getting from zero friends to one is always the biggest challenge.
Saul Good. This site is nothing if not a great place to vent frustration.
That sounds like it must have been pretty fun, actually, even with an little knife fight here and there. Certainly sounds like a good setup for a group of college kids (or recently out of).
That was actually how I envisioned I'd soon be living when in my late teens and early 20s, it was kind of the plan, actually. I suspect if I had done it more the way you describe, I wouldn't be quite so bad off as I am now, given the added socialization. But some pretty shitty things also happened around that time so it just wasn't in the cards. Having really bad social phobia certainly didn't help (now diagnosed as a full on personality disorder), but I lived in a little loft apartment with partner for 5 years in my mid/late twenties, as we slowly took classes at the community college where i also worked. And that was... good times. But yeah, I just turned 40 (ugh!) a couple months ago, have got nothing to show for it except a lot of shame and some unfortunate health problems. It's hard enough for "normal" people to make connections. As for roommates now, I'm in a little one-bedroom granny unit relying on foodstamps and the generosity of my remaining parent who owns said unit, and he also has his own weird issues wrt to human contact. In other words, having roommates isn't up to me. I'm not in town, fairly rural and the smattering of neighbors that do live in the area are wealthy, petty-bourgie boomers.
I've considered trying to connect, even joined a zoom meeting group for mental health well-being a while back, but... I don't know, maybe it's just that everyone is so utterly alienated, but I didn't feel like there was any path to actually connecting with anyone. Elsewhere in this thread, people mentioned going to elderly care homes and asking the staff which ressidents could use someone to talk to, and I think that could be a really good thing, actually helping someone else out. Something to think about. Of course covid adds a new element to be considered to that scenario.
Anyway, thanks for the friendly ear and your thoughts. I really do love this place. As others have said, it's like the last sane and kind place left on the internet.